


The 100 HSAU

by ayork161



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayork161/pseuds/ayork161
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This a The 100 Highschool AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome To The Jungle

Clarke I will always love you no matter what" 

Those were the last words my father had ever spoke to me before his last breath. It had been a year since his death and it surely has taken its toll on me. I had not been the Clarke I once was. I may not have always been happy and cheerful but I was lot happier back then.

Today was the day I started my junior year, again. Due to my father's death I had gotten behind because I could not focus on my school life. Today is also the day I had to face my friends after being silent from them for over a few months. It was always weird when I saw them because they had not known how to act around me. Yes it had been a year but I had yet been able to move on. I have been in a dark place for some time now and distant from those who care for me.. 

(This year is gonna be tough) 

\-- 

"Octavia!! Get out of bed now before your late for school" my brother screamed 

Ughhh. Why does my brother have to be so annoying. He tries to play the motherly role since the death of our mother and our father's absence in our lives. He gets on my nerves sometimes but at least I can say he cares. 

"Im up man give a girl a second to ajust herself before you come in my room like your Miley Cyrus on her wrecking ball dude!" I half yelled half sarcastically said to him 

He smiled wickedly as he was about to leave my room.

"Oh and bro never compare me to Miley Cyrus again, Im more of a Beyonce man" He chuckled 

Ugh. Way to start off my solphmore year off with a concieted brother who thinks he is the next Justin Bieber. I should text Clarke and see if she needs me to pick her up but she has been kind of weird since the death of her father. I know she lost a parent and I know how tough that is but she is pushing everyone away. 

I remember the day it happend, we both cried in each other's arms. I tried to comfort her and that day I did but now.. now she is kind of on her own planet. 

(This year I will make friends with someone who wont push me away) 

\-- 

I hear my phone buzz. I reach over on my end table to pick up the tiny, annoying piece of plastic that kept replaying "Im all about that bass, bout that bass, no treble" Ugh why did I pick that ringtone again? I slide my screen off unlock to read my message. 

Finn <3: U want me 2 come pick u up or nah lol 

Raven: Well that is the idea of car pulling isn't it? 

Raven: And plus you dont want to make your GF mad do you? 

Finn <3: Dont be demanding babe or I will leave ya in tha dust (; 

I chuckled at his message. He made me happy and after everything with Clarke last year it was exactly what I needed. She broke up with me right after her dad died. I was broken for a while that is until Finn came and put me back together piece by piece. 

Raven: Babe u betta not leave me <3 (; Love u see u soon (: 

(This year will be better with Finn) 

\-- 

I usually ride with Tavia to school but I dont think I could deal with the awkward faces from her and her brother giving me hearteyes and using bad cheesy pickup lines. The only person I can handle right now I pushed away. Raven and I dated for 6 months and things were pretty tense for a while. When things with my dad got worse I couldnt deal with her at the time so I pushed her away instead of putting her through that. 

I guess I could ask Finn. He is usually silent most of the time and doesnt ask questions most of the time. 

Clarke: Hey. Do you think I could catch a ride with you to school? 

I waited for his reply as I leaned against the electical pole on the street corner. The sky was barely lit and it was musky outside. The air was cold as it hit my skin and left little goosebumps. 

My phone buzzed. I slid up the lock screen to see the message. 

Finn: Your more than welcome to tag along (: Is it cool if Raven tags along too? 

Raven? Oh yeah right their besties duh. 

Clarke: Yeah that's fine with me 

Finn: Iight man be there in a few 

(Well at least I still have one friend. Its gonna be weird riding with Raven too though.) 

\-- 

Finn <3: Hey Clarke is ridin wit us 2 is that cool wit u 

My Boo: I guess its cool... 

Finn <3: Are u sure babe? 

My Boo: I mean I dont really favor the idea but I guess if you already told her yes than I am gonna have to be ok with it 

Finn <3: If you dont want her to ride I can tell her something else came up 

My Boo: No its fine. I am gonna have to face her sometime soon anyways 

Finn <3: Ok babe be there in a few luv u 

My Boo: Lvu2 babe 

 

\-- 

After hours of waiting for Bellamy to stop looking at himself in the mirror, we finally left for school. Bellamy was a Senior again this year because he always goofed off in school with his jock buddies. 

Bellamy ajusted the radio to some song talking about embracing what makes you beautiful. It was a catchy song but it was a boy band and I cant stand them. 

"THATS WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL" He sung at the top his lungs 

I really wish he would shut up. I reached for the radio knob but before I could turn the station he swatted my hand. 

"Dude dont turn my jam off. Your killing my vibe Tavia" he said 

I rolled my eyes at him and slid a CD in anyways and I guess he gave up because he didnt fight me on it. As the speaker filled with some John Lennon, I noticed Clarke standing on the street corner zoned out. 

"Bellamy pull over" I told him 

He rolled his eyes at me and stopped over by Clarke. He rolled down my window. 

"Hey princess whats a cutie like you doing out here alone" he said attempting to flirt 

She gave him a sarcastic smile 

"Sorry about my brother he can be an idiot" I smiled 

Clarke just stood there. 

A car rolled up. It was Finn and Raven.   
I really wanted to help Clarke out and offer her a ride so she didnt have to find out the hard way that Finn and Raven werent exactly just besties. Before i could, she got in the car. 

"Hey," I heard Finn say. 

Raven remained silent. 

"Hey, Clarke, ill see you at school," I say right before Finn drove off. 

\-- 

It was silent was for a while as Finn drove us to school. After a few minutes though he started talking. 

"So how have you been Clarke?" He said with a friendly smile 

Honestly I really didnt know how I felt. I spent most of my nights crying and screaming from nightmares about my father. I didnt want to let them know that though. I didnt want to seem weak. 

"I am doing fine." I said with a fake smile 

He smiled and reached for Raven's hand.. woah wait when did this happen? How did I not know about this? 

She pulled away quickly from his hand kind of nervously. She glanced out of her perivial vision to see if I noticed. I glanced away from her so she didnt see me looking. 

"Ba-- I mean Raven.. I mean nevermind" Finn struggled 

I played with the piece of string on my jeans trying to block out the fact that Raven and Finn are more than just bestfriends now. I tried not make eye contact at Raven who kept glancing back at me every five minutes to see how I reacted. I mean I cant really blame her from moving on from me I pushed her away. 

"So you guys are together," I said focusing on the window. 

There was silence. 

"Yeah, i didnt mean to make it awkward Clarke, i thought you knew," Finn said. 

I didnt want to sound like i cared. I mean I kind of do, but i didnt want to show them i did. 

"Its not awkward. Raven clearly moved on," I said a little too cold. 

Silence filled the car once again. 

"I-" Raven tried to say. 

"You know, Finn, im just gonna walk the rest of the way," I said. 

I didnt want to be in the car any longer. 

"Clarke,  the school is like eight blocks away," Finn said. 

"I could really use the air," I said. 

I just wish i could just leave this car. 

"Clarke-" Finn started to say. 

"Just let me out of the car, Finn," i said sternely. 

Finn slowed the car down. He pulled up by a curb. 

I never jumped out of a car quicker then i did at that moment. I heard a car door open. 

"Wait," I heard. 

It was Raven. Of course it was. The person i least wanted to talk to right now. 

She grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. 

"Im sorry, i should of told you. Even if you were totally MIA. You had to know i would eventually move on. I got tired of being left out of your life, Clarke. I clearly didnt matter anymore," Raven said. 

"Thats not true, Raven. You did matter to me. I just...Look, Raven, it was complicated." I said as I started to tear up 

I walked away from her like I always did.. I always left her.. 

"Clarke wait you have no right to make this about you right now. I know you lost your dad and that sucks but its been a year he would want you to move on. That doesnt mean you have to forget him." Raven said 

How dare she bring up my father. 

"Raven just leave me alone.. Go back to the car with your boyfriend." I said walking further away 

Her face started to get red. I knew she was angry 

"Whatever Clarke just run off like you always do" She yelled out to me as she walked back to the truck. 

Finn and her drove off past me leaving nothing but the smell of ether to linger. 

(Ok so that didnt go as expected) 

\-- 

Finally I arrived at school after fifteen minutes of Bellamy gripping about how I changed his boy band song, or One Direction or whatever. 

"Later bro try not to get into trouble" I said to my brother as he faded into the crowd of mostly idiots that filled our school. 

I saw Finn's car pull up and decided to walk over there to see if Clarke was ok. When I got closer I noticed Raven get out but no Clarke. Where was she? 

"Hey Raven where is Clarke I thought she was riding with you guys?" I said to her when making it to the car. 

She rolled her eyes at the words Clarke. This was not good. 

"She turned into Bipolar Ninja 2.0 dude. I cant deal with her right now and honestly I dont want to talk to her for a while until she gets her issues together." Raven vented 

I didnt reply. I dont want to be caught up in that drama. Poor Finn dont know what he got himself involved in. 

I left them to go to the doors of Sky High. Yes thats the name of our school not be confused with that disney movie with that hot chick who choke people with plants. 

(Ugh! School I am not ready for this) 

\-- 

I had been walking for almost twenty minutes now and my morning was already starting off horrible. I always hurt her, why do I always do that? I dont deserve her, I need to move on but how? 

No longer after I had thought those words, a car pulled up beside me to a stop. The window rolled down and in the car was a girl with long wavy brown hair and really beautiful eyes. She looked familiar but where had I seen her before? 

"Need a ride," She said. 

"Im good," I said. 

I really just wanted to be by myself. It was the only way i could clear my head before i got to school. 

"Come on, the school is still a pretty far walk," She said. 

Why wouldnt she just go away. 

"You know Finn right. You hang out with him and Raven, right?" She said. 

She had to say their names didnt she. 

"Not really," I said with a hint of anger. 

"Oh...come one, just let me take you to school. You shouldnt walk. You never know who might come up and snatch ya," she said with a chuckle. 

I had to admit she had a good sense of humor, but i really just wanted to be by myself. i turned and faced her. 

"Youre not going to let me walk, are you?" I said. 

"No," She said with a smile. 

Well, i guess it was better then walking. i opened the door and got in. 

"Are you happy now?" I said as i faced her. 

"Yes," She said. 

She put the car in drive and continued down the road. 

"Im Lexa if you didnt know," She said. 

Thats where i knew her from. She hangs out with....Finn. of course she would have to be one of the many reminders of one of the people i cant stand right now. 

"Im Clarke," I said trying to be nice. 

"Well, nice to meet you, Clarke," Lexa said. 

"Its nice to meet you too," I said. 

"So why were you walking. Do you live close," Lexa said. 

"Not really," I said. 

"Then why were you walking," Lexa said. 

I really dont want to bring the whole Raven and Finn thing up. Not right now. It just hurts too bad. 

"Im sorry, i didnt mean to sound like a total Nosey Stalker," Lexa said. 

"No its ok...its just i got into a fight with my ride," I said. 

"I understand that,  i would want some space too," Lexa said. 

"Yeah," I said. 

There was some silence in the car for a while. 

"So...theres this party. Its the big Back to School Party. You should come. It might help get your mind off of things," Lexa said with a smile. 

I knew there would be one. There's always is one every year. Some stupid senior throws it. 

"Maybe," I said. 

"It will be fun," Lexa said with a smile. 

"Ill think about it," I said. 

We didnt talk much after that. The car went silent for the rest of the ride to school. 

\-- 

I couldnt stop wondering if Clarke was alright. She must of found out about Finn and Raven. I should of offered her ride when i had the chance. 

I was walking down the hallway minding my own business when someone bumped into me. I would of knocked them in the face if i didnt look up and see a cute guy standing in front of me. 

"Im so sorry. I should of been watching where i was going. Are you ok," He said. 

He was cute and had manners. Where has this guy been all my life. I always thought all the guys at our school were a bunch of idiots. Appearently i stereotyped them too soon. 

"Yeah, im fine. Thanks," I said. 

"Im Lincoln," He said. 

"Octavia. People call me Tavia though thanks to my brother," I said. 

"Oh you must be Bellamy's sister," Lincoln said. 

"Please dont remind me," I said with a smile. 

"So...since your his sister i bet your going to the party tonight," Lincoln said. 

Of course i am. Bellamy wouldnt let me miss it. I admired that he was trying to get me involved. 

"Yeah," I said. 

"Cool, i guess ill see you there. I got to run," Lincoln said. 

"Bye," I said. 

"Bye," Lincoln said he turned and ran down the hall. 

I suddenly cant wait for this party. 

\-- 

I can't believe Clarke did what she did. I understand shes been through alot, but youd think she would at least be a little less bipolar. 

I was hanging out with Finn at some tables in the front yard of the school waiting for the bell to ring to go to class, when Lexas car pulled up. 

Lexa parked the car and got out. After a few minutes so did...Clarke. Well,  i guess she found a ride. 

They were laughing about something.  Eventually, they parted ways. Clarke walked past us and she didnt even glance towards me. 

"Hey," Lexa said as she sat down beside me and Finn. 

"So, i see you picked up Clarke," Finn said. 

"Yeah, i saw her walking. Appearently she got in a fight with her ride," Lexa said. 

"We got into a little heated discussion or i should say she was the only one heated," I said. 

"Wait, you were her ride," Lexa said. 

"Yeah, we picked her up. She didnt really know me and Raven were dating and she kind of got mad," Finn said. 

"Kind of, she totally went bipolar," I said. 

"She has been through alot Raven," Finn said. 

"Its been a year Finn. She should be a little more stable," Raven said. 

"What happened a year ago," Lexa said. 

"She lost her dad," Finn said. 

"I understand, but she got way too angry about us dating. She was the one who pushed me away. She should have realized i wasnt going to wait forever on her," Raven said. 

"Love is complicated, Raven. I guarentee she didnt push you away for the sake of it. She probably didnt want to bring you into all of the drama she was dealing with. It would of only made things harder on her. I guarentee it," Lexa said. 

"Why do people always make it about her. She wasnt the only one in that relationship. I was there too," I said. 

I cant talk about this anymore. I just want to change the subject. 

"How about we go meet up with Lincoln before class," Finn said with a smile. 

See this is why i love Finn. He knows exactly what i need. 

"Sounds great,"  I said as i jump up from the table. 

"Ill meet up with you guys later," Lexa said as she heads of into the building. 

Well looks like its only me and Finn right now. I couldnt be happier. 

\-- 

My first class was an elective so that meant I had other grades mingled in my class. I took my seat in the back of the classroom at an empty desk near the door. I fidled with my thumbs as I waited anxiously for class to start. Everyone was talking to each other and didnt even acknoledge my presence there. I was like a loner. What is wrong with me I use to be much more social than this? At least they were not staring at me. 

After a few minutes the bell rang which meant it was time for class. As the teacher made his way to the front another student came swooshing in pretty swiftly. It was her, the girl who had gave me a ride to school. Her eyes met mine and she took a seat next to me in the back. 

"Alright everyone its time to settle down. You have had all summer to talk, its time to get your thinking caps on. Lets go over the syllabus for this class." Mr. Kane said 

As we went over the long syllabus for Art 101, I doodled a few things on my notebook out of nervousness. Since my dad's death I have not really talked to anyone except Tavia, but not even that much to her either. 

"Also for this class you will be paired with a classmate who will be your lab partner so to speak for the rest of the year. I have arranged your names in a hat and you will draw a name until everyone is paired with someone." Mr Kane stated 

Oh great way to put even more presure on me. It was bad enough having to be at school period but to have to actually work with someone all year was a whole new catagory. At least I knew a few people in this class. 

The teachers started calling people to draw names. First up was Jasper of whom I had know since we were in kintergarden where he always try to put glue in my hair all the time. Anyways maybe I will get him as partner since I knew him and all. He stuck his hand in the hat and pulled a name out. 

"Monty dude, sounds like we will be kicking it together for the rest of the year bro." Jasper said proudly 

Him and Monty had known each other even longer than Jasper knew me. They were pratically unseprable since I have known them. Fate would put them together. I wonder who fate wanted for me. 

"Clarke please make your way to the front and draw a name please." He said friendly in a teacherly way 

Well I guess I was about to find out what fate had in store for me sooner than I thought. I went to the front of the classroom and everyone was staring at me and that made my cheeks blush. I reached my hand into the hat and pulled a name out. My eyes lingered at the name a bit and quickly looked up. 

"I got Lexa" I said 

Her eyes met mine and it was like they were piercing into my soul. She smiled at me a friendly smile. Well I guess fate has spoken. 

Finally after everybody drew a name, the teacher had us get into a group with our partner. 

"After you have made your way to your partner I want you to get to know your partner. Find out what are their likes and dislikes and write them down and put them in your Art binder because you will need it later on for a class assignment." He said 

Lexa turned scooted her desk up to mine. Her eyes met mine and suddenly my stomach was doing cartwheels. 

"Hey there again" she said with a smile 

When she smiled my stomach started doing cartwheels again and I didnt understand. How could someone you barely know make you feel this anxious? 

"Hey" I said breathy and in a low tone 

(A new friend possibly?) 

\-- 

My first class was gym and we were playing dodgeball. I may not like school but I quite enjoyed sports that displayed how B.A I really was. I didnt know anyone in here though so it sucked. 

"I will crush you!" I yelled at a kid who seemed to be scared of his own shadow. 

I lunged the ball forward right into his stomach and he fell to the ground and I am pretty sure he was crying. 

"Miss Blake you know the rules no rough play!" Miss Gold said sternly 

"Rough play? Are you kidding me that was barely a throw. I cant help it if he isnt aquipped for dodgeball." I complained 

Her face turned red and I thought she was about to have an anerism. She looked at me with evil eyes and big vein pulsated from her forehead. 

"Miss Blake principle's office now!" She yelled 

Seriously? I didnt even do anything. 

"Whatever" I told her as I rolled my eyes 

(Bellamy is going to kill me) 

\-- 

I had a free period with Finn so we just talked about the party tonight. After the Clarke thing I was not really up for it but he really wants me to go. 

"Babe it will be fun and I doubt Clarke will even go" He said caringly 

He was right the chances of Clarke going are slim to none. 

"How could I say no to that face" I said with a puppy dog face as if I were about pinch his cheeks 

He smiled and took my hand. 

"Thanks babe. It wouldn't be the same without you." He said and leaned in to plant a gentle peck on my forehead 

He made me smile and he filled the hole in my heart that Clarke left. I was thankful to have him and he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. 

"Love you boo and duh it wouldn't be the same without me, Im kind of awesome." I laughed 

(With Finn nothing could ruin this party) 

\-- 

 

"Have you decided if your going to the party tonight yet?" Lexa asked me softly 

I had not really decided yet and I was not big on parties that much anymore. Plus if I went that would mean I would have to see Raven and I didn't want to deal with that. 

"I dont know I am not really into parties these days. Plus its usually thrown by some stupid senior who has lame taste in music and drinks way to much." I said 

She started to laugh a little. It was cute.. Wait what? 

"What if I told you the party was not gonna be like that?" Lexa laughed 

How does she know the party wasn't gonna be like that unless... 

"I take it your the one throwing it this year?" I said smiling with a hint of embarassment 

Her leg shifted a little forward till it was grazing mine and swear she bit her lip. 

"Maybe. You will have to come to find out." She said 

Maybe if I went it would help to take my mind off things. There was one problem though. Raven. My smile quickly developed into a pout. She must of noticed because she put her hand on mine. 

"Why so glum? Was it something I said?" Lexa asked 

I looked down at the beige worn out desk that was holding me up. 

"No your fine its just..." I said 

She grasped my hand and with her free hand moved my chin up till our eyes were level. 

"Is it because Raven will be there?" She said with a low voice 

My cheeks were warm and my knees were a little weak from looking at her in the eyes. Her eyes were the beautifulest thing I had ever seen. 

"Honestly yes. But its fine I am sure it will be a big party so we probably wont even see each other." I said trying to convince myself this was true 

She must of noticed because she grasped my hand a little tighter. 

"You don't have to fake happiness around me. I won't judge you." She said seriously 

Wow this girl is good at reading me because its like she can see right through me. She was right though I dont like to let my emotions show because I dont want people to think I am weak. 

"Thanks.." I said 

I was cut off by Mr. Kane who told me I was needed in the principle's office. I had no clue why but it made me a little nervous. 

(Maybe I need a break) 

\-- 

As I waited to go back and see the principle I put my headphones in to tune out the secretary's conversation with Coach Wic. They look at each other like they are about to commit serious PDA right now. 

As Freddy Mercury's voice filled my ears I noticed another person enter the office. A person I would know anywhere. Clarke. I took out my headphones when she took the empty seat next to me. 

She didn't even say anything to me and seemed to have a lot on her mind. I didnt like it because we use to be so close and now it was like we were a thousand miles apart. I was not about to let us get any further away. 

"I thought I was the only trouble maker around here?" I whispered to her 

She smiled at me and I uncontrollably smiled back. She had that effect on me. I missed talking to her so much. 

"So what are you in for? Being too polite?" I chuckled jokingly 

She kicked my foot with the side of hers and gave me a look that said "Shup up Tavia". I kicked her foot back and gave her look that said "Make me" She laughed and for a moment it felt like old times, how it use to be. 

"No I was called out of class to come down here. What are you in for? Did you make another kid cry again?" She said 

This time I hit her arm with the side of mine. 

"Jumping to conclusions are we now?" I said laughing 

She shot a look that said "I know your lying" 

"Ok ok but in my defense he was just being a baby about it." I said 

As we were laughing the secretary gave us the stink eye. And placed her finger on her lips to tell us to be quiet. 

"I miss this, me and you, how we use to be" I whispered to her 

At that moment everything got serious and the room was filled with silence. She just kind of looked at me and my eyes leveled with hers. 

"I do too" she whispered 

The secretary told me I could go back and see the principle now. I got up and tried to play it cool but I failed and tripped over the air. 

"Before they sentence me to detention, I just wanted to say I hope to see you tonight!" I said 

"Maybe" she said 

Her answer suprised me because I had to make sure I wasnt dreaming. I really hoped she would show up. 

(Am I too obvious?) 

\-- 

When I entered Principle Jaha's office, I saw that the guidance consoler was here as well. I knew what this had to do with. My father. 

"Please take a seat Miss Griffin" Principle Jaha said 

I planted myself in the empty seat and I could fill the emptiness in my stomach. I twiddled my thumbs and tried to avoid eye contact with everyone. 

"Your mother wanted us to make sure your first day was going well for you. I know you have had a rough year with the loss of your father and I just want to make sure everything is ok." He said friendly 

Honestly I was not completely ok, so I lied. 

"Yes everything has been ok" I said faking a smile 

He must of believed me because he smiled. 

"Ok than I guess my job is done. You can go back to class now Miss Griffin." He said 

"Ok" I said as I got up 

(Yes I definately could use a break) 

\-- 

The bell rang for school to be out. I met Finn and we headed for the door. I survived my first day of school and now I was heading home to get ready for the party. 

"What time do you want me to pick you up for the party?" Finn said 

I did not want to show up too early. 

"Lexa said she was gonna start around eight I think." Finn said 

"Ok then pick me up at eight. I dont want to show up to early." I smiled 

He chuckled and leaned in and are mouths became one with each other. His tongue danced with mine in perfect harmony. After he pulled away he started the car and begin to drive off of school property. 

(Tonight was gonna be a good night) 

\-- 

When school let out I made my way to my locker to put my books up. When I reached there I noticed Lexa standing by my locker. She looked over at me. 

" Hey there stranger. Have you decided if you are coming to my party yet?" Lexa said 

After the day I had, I was starting to like the idea of a break. Even if it meant being surrounded by people I dont want to be around right now. Except Tavia, after our conversation in the office I really wanted to try and make our friendship work. 

"Yeah I will be there" I said to her with a smile 

Her eyes lit up at my reply. 

"I am glad to here that. Do you need a ride home?" She said 

Oh yeah I forgot about how I was gonna get home. 

"You dont have to I am sure I catch one with Jasper or Tavia." I told her 

The light in her eyes quickly faded. She tried to smile though. 

"But who knows where they are right now and if I have to sit through Bellamy's One Direction marathon I might pull a Vincent Van Gough and cut off my ear or something." I chuckled nervously 

Her eyes lit up again and she smiled at me. She took my hand and pulled me through the crowd. 

"Sounds good to me. Lets go." She said 

(This girl was totally attatched to me and I was ok with that) 

\--


	2. Smells Like Teen Spirit

When I got home I instantly threw my bag down and jumped in the shower. I wanted to make it there before Bellamy did or I would not be ready in time. 

I felt the water rain down on me and consume my body in its gentle grasp. It was warm and soothing. I closed my eyes as I stood under it and my mind kept going back to my conversation with Clarke earlier today. I really hoped she would be at the party as well. 

After I finished I wrapped the towel around my body. I headed to my room to pick out some clothes. I searched my drawers for a killer outfit. I had my eyes set on a black beater and some knee knocker shorts. 

After I got dressed and brushed my hair, I decided to text Clarke. 

Octavia: Dude Principle Jaha gave me 2 days in detention lol are you coming to the party tonight, I need someone to prevent me from killing Bell (: 

I tossed my phone on my bed while I searched for some shoes to wear. I spotted some black DCs and grabbed them. I slipped them on and sat on the edge of my bed. After a few minutes I felt my bed vibrate. I grabbed my phone and slid the unlock button to view my message. 

Clarke <3: Lol that doesnt suprise me (; and yeah I guess I can help you out 

I smile at her message and it feels good. I just want things like they use to be. 

Octavia: I can actually be full of suprises you know lol what time are you gonna be at the party

As soon as I sent the message, Bellamy entered my room. I can never get alone time away from him. 

"Is Clarke coming tonight?" Bellamy said 

I rolled my eyes at him as I stood to my feet. I punched him in the arm and he laughed. 

"What she is hott and I am too, we should get together." He chuckled 

I rolled my eyes again at his stupid comment. 

"Dude she is still not over Raven, so leave her alone. Dont make me tell your friends about how you cried when Gossip Girl ended." I teased him 

His face got kind of serious. I shot him a smile to let him know he was defeated. 

"Whatever bro there are plenty of other chics going to be there who would love to be with me." He said as he walked off 

Yeah like chics want to be with a guy who spends more time in the mirror than they do. I picked my phone up to see that I had two messages. Both from Clarke. 

Clarke <3: I dont know yet. I am trying to find a ride and an excuse to tell mom. 

Clarke <3: Do you think I can catch a ride with you and crash at your house afterwards? 

Octavia: I guess I can lol Bellamy wants to leave at eight so we will pick you up a little after eight (: 

(Tonight was gonna be good) 

\-- 

I layed on my bed staring at the ceiling. Looking at all the tiny creases in each tile above. I thought about my day and the party ahead. I really hope I dont run into Raven and Finn, I am not ready. 

I got up and went to my closet to find something to where to the party. I spotted a long tank top with the cover of "Born To Die" By Lana Del Rey on it. I grabbed a pair of black, plain yoga pants to pair with it. 

After I changed I brushed my hair and put on some Sweet Tease perfume from Victoria Secret on. After I was ready I grabbed a Under Armour duffle bag and put a long plaid, buttoned up short sleeve shirt in there to sleep in and threw a tshirt and some shorts to wear home. 

After I got ready and had everything ready for Tavia's I went down stairs to grab a snack before I went. I grabbed a banana and some peanut butter and a smart water. 

After I ate I waited until I got a text from Tavia. While waiting I decided to watch some TV. I grabbed the remote and chose one of my recordings. I decided to go with Degrassi, it was one of my favorite shows. 

It was getting close to the time for Tavia to be here so I decided to text her to see if they were on the way. 

Clarke: Hey are you guys on your way yet. 

I waited for her to answer my text as I continued to watch more of my show. It wasnt long till my phone buzzed. 

Tavia: Waiting for Bellamy to stop staring at himself in the mirror lol 

Tavia: If he is not done in 5 minutes I am dragging him out of there by his hair -.- 

I laughed at her messages. Suddenly I couldnt wait for the party and to spend time with Tavia that we have missed out on. She has been my bestfriend since we were in diapers. My mom had known hers and was friends with her in highschool so we pretty much grew up together. 

Clarke: Lol ok I will be making my way outside to wait for you (: 

I grabbed my chapstick and told my mom I was leaving. I then made my way to the door to wait outside. 

(Maybe tonight wont be so bad after all) 

\-- 

Finn: Are your ready yet babe? 

Raven: Be ready in 10 boo (: (; 

Finn: Alright I am on my way (; 

\-- 

I was ten minutes late to picking up Clarke because I had wait for Bellamy to pick an outfit out to wear and stop staring at himself in the mirror. I was glad Clarke was riding along with us to the party. I couldnt take my eyes off her when we picked her up. She was stunning, the way her tank top hugged her tiny body was like a form of heroin. 

Bellamy had the radio on another One Direction song and I was one second away from throwing the radio out the window. I decided to let ago though mostly due to the fact that I was distracted by Clarke's arm that kept grazing mine unintentially. It was days like this I was thankful for Bellamy having a truck without extended cab. She looked over at me for a moment and met my eyes for a moment and even in the darkness her eyes shined bright. 

"Tavia can you please tell your brother to turn off this garbage" she chuckled as her eyes still leveled with mine 

I reached for the radio and turned the station to something more suiting. She smiled at me. 

"Tavia for real how many times do I have to tell you not to turn my radio expecially when its my jam bro" Bellamy bickered 

I nudged him in the arm. 

"Dude shut up you can go five minutes without your No Direction music" I said sarcastically 

He stayed silent and didnt argue back. Clarke on the other hand was laughing at me. 

After a few minutes we pulled up to the party. Upon our arrival there were muffled sounds coming from the backyard. I grabbed Clarke's hand and pulled her around to the backyard. There were over a hundred kids here. The backyard was huge and there was a olympic size pool as well. 

"I am gonna go get some drinks. Do you want one?" I asked her 

"Sure that sounds good" She said 

 

I walked off to go get some drinks. When I was in the distance I noticed someone I had seen before. It was cute-abs-guy I knocked into the other day at school. When I made it there I grabbed a cup and made myself a jack and coke with extra jack and Clarke a screwdriver. 

"I see you came to the party" Lincoln said 

It took me a second to realize he was talking to me. 

"Yeah I really enjoy being surrounded by idiots so I decided to delight myself." I said sarcastically 

"Sounds like a personal problem" He chuckled 

"Maybe. Well I have to get back to Clarke." I said to him 

He nodded and smiled at me. 

On my way back to Clarke I saw Raven and Finn walk in. Well this party is about to get drama. I was not about to let Clarke have a night of drama. 

When I reached Clarke I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the crowd, gulped down my drink and threw my cup. She gulped down her drink as well and sat her cup down on the ground. I pulled her close to where she could hear me. 

"Dance with me?" I asked her as my eyes met with hers 

"Of coarse" she said with a smile 

Her body moved in tune with mine as we danced. It was subtle yet intense. We moved our bodies to the beat of the song and our faces were not that far away from each others. 

(This was gonna be one interesting night) 

\-- 

The party was huge and there were people everywhere. Everyone was grinding all over each other including Octavia who looked like she was about to commit sexual acts with right there on the dance floor with the girl she was with. Wait a minute.. is that.. Clarke? She turned around for a second and my accusations were answered, it was her. It made sense though, Clarke and Bellamy may be blind but anyone with eyes can tell Octavia has a thing for Clarke. Even when we were dating she was constantly around Clarke and I all the time. I would tell Clarke all the time that she needed to tell Octavia about the meaning of personal space but Clarke ignored me. 

Finn was coming back with our drinks. He had a beer for himself in one hand and a wine cooler for me in the other. When he made it to me, he handed me my drink and sat in a chair next to me. 

"So you want to dance with me babe" Finn asked me 

Honestly I was not in the mood at the moment to dance but I didnt want to ruin Finn's night. 

"Sure boo" I said as I pecked him on the lips 

He took me over to a more spacious spot and thank goodness it was far from where Clarke was. 

I hugged Finn as we slow dance even though it was an upbeat song. It felt really good for him to just hold me. He kissed me on the forehead and took my hand. 

"Lets go find Lincoln" He said 

I nodded and we started to walk. We walked for a little bit till we reached a secluded spot over by the outskirts of the woods. There was a small bonfire going and setting around it was Lincoln, Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, and Murphy who were all toking it up. We sat down on some tree stubs that were arranged out there. The party was not far it was about a football field distance away. 

"Its peaceful out here and the party was getting a little lame no offense to Lexa. Its just basically a bunch of sweaty teenagers grinding on each other." I told them 

They all chuckled expecially Bellamy who was biligerently high at the moment. 

"Is that right?" Bellamy asked laughing 

"Yeah and one of them sweaty teenage happens to be your little sis" I told him 

He laughed. 

"She is with Clarke so I am sure she is ok." He laughed 

It was little ironic that the person his sister was grinding on was Clarke but I didnt say anything because it didnt matter. 

"Where's Emori at bro? She is usually always with you." Finn asked Murphy 

"Her parents wouldnt let her come out on a school night dude. Its lame." He said 

They all laughed including me. 

"She isnt missing anything" I told Murphy 

After they finished we all headed back towards the party. 

(Hopefully the party will liven up a bit) 

\-- 

After four screwdrivers in I was starting to feel buzzed. I think this was mainly due to Tavia who put more Vodka than Orange Juice in it. I was having a good time and glad Tavia dragged me to the party. 

"Lets take a break" Tavia said leaning close enough to where I could here her 

I could use a break after all this dancing. 

"Sounds cool to me." I said to her loud enough for her to here me 

We both walked off over to where the pool was. We sat at the edge of it with our feet dangiling in the water. It was loud but in a way kind of peaceful. Tavia scooted closer to me till our hands were grazing each other. I didnt mind it at all. 

"So are you having fun tonight" she asked me 

"Yes I actually am. I am glad your here though or it would of gotten awkward with a bunch strangers and a handful of people who dont talk to me anymore" I said to her with a short laugh 

She smiled and before she could answer me there was a heavy force that pushed me into the pool. The water was cool in my face. When I finally came up from beneath the water I saw Bellamy and Lincoln standing over me laughing. 

"Bellamy I am gonna kill you I am serious you better run and hide!" Tavia screamed at him 

"Remind me to kill your brother later. I need to find a towel soon because my shirt is totally see through man" I told her 

She looked around but did not see any towels. Beside her though was a throw blanket. I dont know why anyone would have that by a pool but people were stupid so I guess that is reason enough. She wrapped the blanket around me as my lips chattered. 

"Thanks. I need to find another shirt soon though before someone realizes their blanket is missing." I told her 

"I doubt anyone of these idiots would realize it was missing. You can wear mine though since its dry, I have a swim top underneath" She told me 

Before I could answer her she slid her shirt off of her tan, petite body. I couldnt help but stare at the lines that indented around her core muscles to form perfet abs. I quickly looked up to her staring and grinning at me staring at her. 

"Can I help you" she asked me laughing 

"No I was just... Shut up Tavia." I said to her kind of embarassed 

She laughed at me. 

"How am I suppose to change? I not letting these people see me naked." I asked her 

"You can change in Bellamy's truck." She said to me wrapping the blanket around me 

She helped me up and we both headed towards the truck. 

\-- 

Raven and I was talking to Lincoln and Jasper when Lexa walked over. 

"Finn have you seen Clarke?" Lexa asked me 

"I have not seen her but Bellamy said she was here with Tavia" I told her 

"Oh" she said with her eyes facing towards the ground 

She looked a little disapointed when I told her that. 

"Dude do you like her?" I asked her laughing 

"No. What? I barely know her. She just said she might come to the party and I was just seeing if she made it here." She said punching me in the shoulder jokingly 

I knew she was lying I could tell. She had a thing for Clarke, it was so obvious. 

"She's singleeeee" I said to her winking with a wide grin

This made her smile and her eyes lit up brighter than the moon in the sky. 

"Shut up Finn" she said laughing 

I laughed. She laughed. Raven not so much. She was quiet. 

"Talk to you later Lexa and good luck" I told her winking 

I took Raven's hand and started walking. 

(Something was wrong with her) 

\-- 

 

When we reached Bellamy's truck I realized it was locked. There was no one around at all. 

"What do we do now?" Clarke asked me 

"Well no one is around, you could change out here." I told her 

"Well I guess if someone shows up its there fault." She said 

I held up the blanket in front of her to shield her just on case someone came. As she pulled her shirt above her head her eye met mine and my knees suddenly became weak. I tried hard not to look down at her bare body but my eyes kept drifting. Her face was subtle and her eyes filled with innocence. After she was done I dropped the cover and I had never been so happy for her to be done at something so much as I was in that moment. 

"Listen do you just want to hang out here?" She asked me 

"Not in a party mood anymore?" I asked with a smile 

"I just dont want to risk running into Raven and I know thats why you were in such a hurry to pull me into the crowd to dance." She said softly 

That was true sort of. I decided to change the subject. Thank goodness I grabbed a bit of liquid courage from the party. I pulled out the pint of Jack Daniels. 

"Come on we can have our own party." I told her 

I helped her up into the back of the truck and grabbed the blanket on the ground. I got up into the truck with her and sat down. We both leaned against the cold steel that parts of our skin were exposed to and it became peaceful. I opened the bottle of Jack and took a big swigg. I offered her a swigg and she took the bottle from my hands. She forced down a big swigg with an aweful expression on her face like she had just drank the worse thing ever. 

"How do you drink this stuff Tavia?" She asked 

"Because I am hardcore. Its not for delicate little flowers such as yourself" I said laughing 

"Shut up Tavia. I am not a delicate flower I can be tough too." She said laughing 

She took the bottle from my hand and forced a few more big swiggs down. She still made the same face again. It was cute. I smiled at her. 

"Im glad I still have you Tavia" She said as she rested her head on my chest. 

Her hair smelt of Aussie shampoo and her arms rested around my bare stomach like she was pulling me into a hug.  

"I am glad I have you too" I whispered to her 

As she rested her head on me it made me think back to like the 7th grade when me and Clarke attended Jasper's birthday party. We were all sitting in a circle playing spin the bottle. It was Clarke's turn and she landed on me and everyone started laughing. It was before she had came out and I was not sure of myself. I remember her telling them to all shut up and planted one right on my lips. It may not have came off as romantic or anything special but to me it was special. She was my first kiss and I would not take it back for nothing. 

"Can we go to your house now Tavia? I am getting tired." She asked me lifting her head up. 

"Sure just have to text Bell and let him know we are ready to leave." I told her 

(This night has definately been fun) 

\-- 

Octavia: Hey Clarke is ready to leave and so am I meet us at your truck asap 

Octavia: Bell where are you at? Answer your phone now. 

Bell: Chill dude I will drop you guys off soon but your gonna have to wait till I am sober bro 

Octavia: Really bro? Just ask Jasper please cause I am not waiting for you 

Bell: Sorry dude he isnt sober neither 

Octavia: For real man? Is there a sober non creeper person near you? 

Bell: Well there is Monty I guess he is more sober than any of us. 

Octavia: Ok tell him to meet us at his truck 

Bell: KK 

\-- 

My head felt dizzy and my feet stumbled. The Jack did a real number on me. I mean I was not hammered but I was not sober neither. Tavia took my arm and wrapped it around her neck to help me to Monty's car. 

I looked up towards the sky and noticed how much the stars shined much brighter tonight. I was in awe and starred at them with keen eyes. 

"Look at the mars, Tavia" I said stumbling over my words 

"You mean stars dorkus." She said as she laughed at me 

I started to giggle and it got uncontrollable. I kept trying to pull away from Tavia to go trollicing through the grass. 

"Tavia I am a big girl I got this" I said pulling away from her and then tripping shortly afterwards 

"Yeah you really got this." She said sarcastically with a laugh 

She reached for my hand in an attempt to pull me up. I didnt bulge I just wanted to lay here and feel the grass and how each tiny shard massaged my body so to speak. She kept trying to pull me and in her third attempt she fell on top of me. Our bodies were in perfect harmony. My curves filled the spaces where she had none. We were congruent and her face inched from mine. I stared at her and her eyes met mine. The time around us was slowing and I began to see her in whole new light. The way her hair hugged her neck and fell to the right side of her face. Her face was tilted slightly to the right. The space that was between us began to fill with warmth. My right palm rested against the small of her back and my fingers loosley danggled there. I could tell she was nervous because I could feel the tiny little goosebumps on her skin. 

"Clarke.." She paused as I reached my head up to connect the dots with hers 

Just as our lips brushed, she pulled away and her eyes just looked over me. 

"Your drunk Clarke I cant do this right now. Come on let's go to Monty's car." She said hoarsely in a whisper 

I could feel her words on my face as she spoke them. She was right I was drunk but not drunk enough to not know what I was doing. She was my bestfriend so I was confused and didnt know what this meant. 

"Ok Tavia lets go" I said to her in a low tone matching hers 

She pushed herself up and the reached to help me up. As she pulled me up our faces almost bumped out of clumsyness but we both brushed it off and began to walk towards Monty's car. 

\-- 

"Come on babe I need to get you home before your grandma jumps down my throat for having you out late on a school night" Finn said 

I laughed at him as his face had a legit frightend face. 

"What you gimme got a glock and I aint looking to get shot tonight." He said 

I reached for his hand and we walked to the car. We walked few paces till I saw Octavia and Clarke. They couldnt take their eyes off each other. Guess she is over me. I guess they tore their eyes from each other long enough to continue to walk. 

"Babe hello?" Finn said 

I guess I didnt notice he was talking to me. 

"Yes boo?" I asked him 

"I was asking if you got your homework for Mr. Drake's class done." He said 

Oh I forgot! Man my gimme is gonna kill me. 

"No I completely forgot man. We better get home soon or gimme gonna be shooting me with her glock too" I told him 

When we reached his car I saw Octavia holding Clarke by Monty's car. Clarke never held her liquor well. Yes she might know what she was doing but it messed up her motor skills. 

"Is she ok Tavia?" Finn asked 

Octavia must of noticed because she looked up at him. She noticed me as well. 

"Yeah bro she is fine." She said looking away from Finn 

In that moment Clarke turned around with a funny angry look drilling her eyes into me. If looks could kill I would be dead. 

"Its nice to see you could make it to the party Raven instead of making out with Finn every five minutes." Clarke said with anger 

Woah. She just did not say that. I know she is drunk but she knows what she is saying. 

"Octavia get your friend and take her home before she says something she regrets." I said sarcastically 

This sets something off in Octavia because her cheeks flare a bright red. 

"And what is that suppose to mean Raven. She is drunk she is gonna say stupid things." Octavia said with firmly 

"Hey!" Clarke said to Octavia with a pout. 

"Clarke may be drunk but she knows what she is saying." I said to Octavia 

"That may be true but she is going through a lot right now. Leave her alone." Octavia said 

"Go ahead defend her Octavia its only because your in love with her. Everyone already pretty much knows." I said to her in anger 

Octavia is really angry now and she looks like she is about to take a lunge at me anytime. 

"Raven justhhh gooo hom...home" Clarke said slurring her words 

"Shut up Clarke!" I told her 

"Don't tell her to shut up" said Octavia 

"I can take her Tavia" Clarke said balling up her fist trying to punch Raven and trips on the ground instead falling face first into the concrete. 

"Clarke shut up" Octavia told her 

"My leg is leaking" Clarke told Octavia 

Everyone was fighting except Finn who stood quietly observing everyone. 

"Come on Finn lets go" I told him 

Finn and I got into his car and drove off, leaving Clarke and Octavia in the dust. 

(I am done with Clarke) 

\-- 

I inspected Clarke from head to toe. She had a few scratches on her head and a scraped chin. Both of her knees were banged up and she had a few light bruises developing on her ribs. 

"Dude you fell harder than I thought you did." I told her 

"Apparently so. I am sorry for being an idiot Tavia" She said 

It seemed that the alcohol was wearing off or at least she was more coherant. 

"Idiot would not be the word to describe you in a drunk state. More like Clumsy-Go Hard- Hold Back Nothing- Clarke." I told her laughing 

Her face fell in her palms and she covered herself from the embarassments of her previous acts. 

"Ughh. Sorry. Raven is probably gonna hate me now even more than she already does." She said 

"Well you still got me and as far as Raven goes she will get over it in due time." I told her with a sincere tone 

She smiled and at that moment Monty arrived. 

"Ladies are you ready." Monty said with a smile 

"We have been ready dude." I told him 

I helped Clarke into the back of Monty's car and then climbed into the front. Monty's car was a low rider so I had to be careful and avoid hitting my head. 

"So how was your evening ladies?" Monty asked 

Well that question could of been answered in multiple ways. 

"Memorable." I told him 

"What made it so memorable?" He said with a cheesy grin on his face 

"None ya" I said with a grin 

It was not long until we reached my house. He pulled up in my small driveway. I got out and helped Clarke out who seemed to have fallen asleep for a moment and quickly woke to me calling her name several times. 

"See ya later girls." Monty said 

He pulled out the driveway and drove off. 

\-- 

Monty: Your sister and Clarke have arrived to your house safely bro. 

Bellamy: Thanks dude 

Bellamy: Are you coming back to the party? 

Monty: Yes on my way now, I am Jasper's ride. 

Bellamy: Oh yeah lol ok cool dude 

\-- 

"Babe we need to talk" Finn said to me softly 

"What about?" I asked him though I knew exactly what it was about. 

At first he was silent and then he inhaled lightly and exhaled a little heavier. 

"I think you should apologize to Clarke and Octavia. You guys all use to be great friends and I hate to see you guys in a war with each other." Finn said calmly 

I could understand what he was saying but at the same time it pained me to hear those words from the boy I was with. I had a right to be angry with her though. Didnt I? 

"Thats in the past Finn. I am done with Clarke and anyone associated with her." I said to him with a hint of saddness 

He noticed it and took my hand. 

"I am not saying you have to talk to her but you need to find some sort of closure with her." He said 

The silence grew heavy as he continued to drive. I thought about what he said. I thought back to the time Clarke and I had our last fight. She had told me that she couldnt do this anymore and that she wanted things to end. I remember yelling at her about using her father as an excuse to push the people away who care most for her. It was like she gave up on me and almost like she blamed me for her father's death. I remember crying as well in my room and how Finn came over and was the one to comfort me. I remember him holding me all night and makeing sure I was ok. I was aloud to hurt too wasnt I? 

"I dont know if I can do that right now but maybe in due time I can." I told him trying to comprimise 

This pleases him because he intertwines his fingers with mine and smiles. 

"Thats good enough for me." He says 

\-- 

"You wait here for me. I am gonna go find a First Aid kit. Bell has to have one somewhere around here." Tavia told me 

I was fine but I was not agruing with Tavia. As she rushed off to find a First Aid kit, I pushed myself up onto the counter top. I planted myself firmly on the top of their marble island counter and let my feet dangle in front of me. I thought back to my fight with Raven and the more I thought of it, the more it made me angry. Tears started to stream down my cheeks. I tried to fight them back but the more I tried the more they poured. 

"Found it." Tavia called from another room 

I wiped the tears from my face and tried to put a smile on. When she walked in her face had a small smile and her eyes lit up. She sat the First Aid down beside me and opened it. She went over to the sink and got a rag wet. 

She used the rag to clean my cuts and scrapes tenderly trying not to hurt me. She kept asking me every five minutes if she was hurting me. 

"Your knees need to be cleaned too but I will give you some privacy. Here is the rag to clean them." Tavia said gulping 

"It's ok I don't mind you cleaning them. I just got to take off these wet pants." I said in a soft tone 

I slid off the counter till I landed firmly on my feet. Tavia turned around when I removed my wet pants. 

"I am gonna get you some shorts. I will be right back." Tavia said swiftly as she walked away 

Why was she being so weird? We have changed in front of each other for as long as I can remember. Then I thought back to something Raven said, something about Tavia being in love with me. She wasn't though was she? I would know right? 

"Here you go. I am sorry about them being knee knockers." She said handing me the shorts with her head faced away from me 

I took the shorts and slid them on. 

"It's fine. I am clothed now, you can turn around now." I said to her in a low tone 

She turned around but her eyes did not meet mine. What was wrong with her. She was not her usual self. 

"Is everything ok Tavia? Your acting different." I asked her 

"I'm fine Clarke." She said still not meeting my eyes 

I let it be and got back on the counter.   
I could tell she was relieved I didn't push the subject anymore by the huge sigh of relief she let out. She grabbed a paper towel and drenched it in proxcyde to make sure everything was extra clean. She dabbed the drenched paper towel over both of my knees, then my hands, then the one scratch on the top of my forearm, and then she moved to the one on my chin. Her eyes now met mine as she cleaned the scrape on my chin that bits of gravel stuck in it. Her hands were slow and her breath was slowing. 

"Can I ask you something?" I asked her 

"Sure.. go ahead" She hesitated with a gulp 

She kept cleaning the scrape on my chin. 

"Tavia calm down I think you got it cleaned good enough." I said gently pulling her hands down 

"What was Raven talking about earlier when she said you were in love with me?" I asked in a soft tone meeting her eyes 

There was a pause. 

"I am sure she just said it because she was mad at me." She said pulling her eyes away from me 

I could tell she was lying. I knew her too well. Could it be possible Tavia has had feelings for me and I not know it? 

"You know you can tell me anything right? Its ok Tavia." I said in a soft tone 

She turned away from me. There was a huge silence around us. I jumped down from the counter. I took her arm and pulled her towards me. She turned her head and faced me. I could see a tear forming in the corner of her eye. 

"Just tell me Tavia" I said to her softly brushing a strand of hair from her face 

She looked down at the floor. 

"Clarke just let it go please" She whispered 

I know she didn't want to talk about it but I couldn't drop it. I needed to know. She has been my bestfriend since birth pratically. 

"Tavia you know I can't let this go." I said to her 

She looked back up at me. Her eyes lookng directly into mine. I could tell she was scared. I knew she had feelings for me and it was hurting her. I did not like that it hurt her, that I hurt her. I pulled her towards me, inches away from my face. I grasped her into a soft, warm embrace. It felt right, it felt like what I needed. 

(Is it possible I had felt something for her the whole time as well?) 

\-- 

Clarke was hugging me now and as much as I wanted to pull away I couldn't. I didn't want to let her go. I didn't want her to know how I felt either. So I pulled away anyways. 

"It's getting late, we should head to bed." I said to her 

Clarke looked at me kind of sad almost. I know she really wanted to know but I couldn't let her know. 

"Tavia why won't you talk about this? I can see that it's hurting you." She said sadly 

She was right it did hurt me, it's been hurting me for five long years now. I held back how I felt and cried when her and Raven were together. 

"I am fine Clarke. I am a big girl." I lied 

She finally dropped it and we headed to my bedroom. I was not prepared to share a twin bed with her after that conversation. If I acted weird though she would know something was up. So I lied. 

"I will take the floor so your not crowded." I told her with a fake smile 

Clarke gave me a stare I knew to well. It almost made me laugh because I knew she was not about to let this happen. 

"Tavia we have slept in the same bed since we were like toddlers. I am use to the tight fitting. It does not bother me." Clarke said 

I knew it. There goes my plan of avoiding her for the rest of the night. I guess I am gonna have to face her sometime, it does not mean I have to let her know my feelings for her though. 

"Fine have it your way. Your so stubborn." I said almost smiling 

I pulled the covers back and got in the bed. Clarke got in the bed afterwards. I layed on my back and she layed on her side facing me. Her body fitting perfectly on my side. I started to get goosebumps from how close she was to me. I could not handle it. I sat up and rested my head on my knees. She grabbed my arm and I raised my head up. I turned my head and stared at her. Her eyes met mine and it made my knees feeble. She just stared at me very intensly and it was driving me crazy. Get it together Tavia, I told myself. I could not help myself she would not take her eyes off of me. What do I do? The night light hit her face in all the right places. She was so beautiful and I just kept staring at her. I was so scared because I didn't know what to do. I layed back down on my back and looked up at the ceiling. It may have been the wrong choice but I didn't know what else to do. I looked over at Clarke who was still staring at me. Her hand was still on my arm. So I made another wrong choice and rolled over to my side to face her. Clarke moved closer to me until our bodies touched and our faces were inches from each other. Man she was not helping at all. The air was thick around us and it felt as if I couldn't breathe. I could not take anymore, I had to turn around and face the other way. Clarke didn't seem to like this because she pulled me on my back. Her fingertips traced in circles on my shoulder. In some way it felt like she was pushing me to talk about what Raven had told her. I wasn't about to give in. 

"I'm not talking about it, Clarke" I said gulping back the anxiety 

She was not giving up on it because she pulled me closer to her. I turned over to my side again to show her I was not afraid. She looked up at me and smiled. This made me smile. 

"Don't make me force it out of you Tavia" She said with a wicked smile 

She may torchure me but I was not budging. It's not that I don't want her to know, I am just scared of the outcome. 

"Do all you want, I am not talking about it." I said 

I sat up and so did she. She gave me a wicked smile. 

"You asked for it Tavia" Clarke smiled 

Clarke walked on her knees over to me. This can't be good. She swung one of her legs over to the other side of me until my legs were trapped in between hers. She sat softly in my lap and grabbed my hands. I tried to force them away from her. She just gripped them tighter. She put her face in mine. Her face was so close to mine that I could feel her warm breath on me. My heart started to beat faster. I had to do something before I lost control. 

"Clarke I told you I am not talking about it. Your not winning you nerd." I said turning my head away from hers 

She cupped my face and turned back in her direction. She took my hands and placed each one on the side of her hips. 

"Really? Let's play a game then. If you move your hands off of my hips then I can do whatever I want to you" She said smiling 

She was trying to torchure me. I could not let her win though. So I gripped her hips firmly so they didn't fall. She pushed her face towards mine again. This time her nose touched mine and she held it there. It was like she was teasing me. So I turned my face away from hers again. 

"That is cheating Tavia. You can't do that." She said 

I turned around looked back at her. I laughed at the cute pout that was on her face. 

"It is fair. I can't move my hands so you have more of an avantage on me." I told her with a smile 

She had a wicked smile on her face and I knew I was about to regret it. She removed my hands from her hips and reached down at the bottom hem of her shirt. Oh no. She pulls her shirt over her head and throws it on the floor. She then proceeds to reach down and pull my shirt off as well. She is totally cheating right now. I can't let her win though. This was not about hiding my feelings anymore, this was about beating her at her own game. 

"Who said you could take off my shirt?" I said to her flashing a grin 

She laughed and laced her fingers in mine. 

"Shut up, Tavia. You know I am gonna win." She said to me playfully 

I got up really close to her face. 

"Keep dreaming." I said challenging her 

She then proceeded to get up. She stood up beside the bed. She pulled me around to where my back now faces the other side of the bed. She then proceeded to place herself back on me. Locking my legs in between hers again she pushed me backwards. Her knees dug into the bed as she pinned me down holding my hands above my head. Her face hovered only inches from mine. 

"Oh yeah, Tavia? Your gonna wish you would of never said that." She said giggling 

(I was screwed) 

\-- 

Finn pulled over to the nearest gas station to fuel up before he took me home. He got out of the car and went inside. I waited for him in the car. I thought about the fight I had with Clarke and Octavia. Finn was right, I needed to make amends with them. Doesn't mean I had to talk to them though. I couldn't bring myself to talk them yet. Clarke and Octavia needed to get their stuff together. 

Finn was walking back out now. He gased the vehicle and then got in. 

"Is it ok if we swing back by Lexa's real quick?" He asked me 

I was tired but I didn't mind. 

"Sure babe. That is fine with me." I told him grabbing his hand. 

He turned around back towards Lexa's house. I wonder why we were going back there? 

"Is Lexa ok?" I asked 

"Yeah she is just a little upset about Clarke taking off without talking to her and she has Bellamy and the guys over there still." He explained 

I nodded and layed back as he drove. I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze against my skin from my cracked window. It seemed like everyone had a thing for Clarke today. I just hope she doesn't hurt them like she did me. 

We pulled into Lexa's driveway that was now mostly empty. 

"I guess people must of decided to crash early." I said laughing 

He laughed and reached over to peck me on the head. 

"Come on lets go in" He said 

We got out and walked up to Lexa's front door. Finn knocked. A few moments later Lexa opened it and we went inside. Her house was huge and very tasteful. Bellamy, Monty, Jasper, Murphy, and Lincoln were all still here. 

"Look who came back to join the party." Bellamy said with a grin 

Great I am gonna be surrounded by idiots and by idiots I mean Bellamy. 

(This should be interesting.) 

\-- 

I could tell Tavia was trying to refrain from giving in. I admit I was having fun torchuring her. She is my bestfriend and I don't know why she couldn't just tell me she had feelings for me. As I had her pinned down to the bed I started to realize she may not be the only one who has feelings. Tavia was really stunning and she was soft and made me feel better. 

"You know if you felt something for me it wouldn't bother me." I told her softly hovering over her still 

I wanted so badly to lean down and kiss her. I just wanted to hear her say the words. She looked at me for a moment. 

"Why are you so set on knowing if I have feelings for you or not?" She asked 

I leaned my face down a little closer till our noses almost grazed. 

"Why can't you just tell me." I asked her 

She raised up still holding onto my hands so I wouldnt fall. Now my legs wrapped around her waist to secure myself from falling as I sat in her lap. 

"Why wouldn't it bother you if I did?" She asked in a low tone 

I was so close to kissing her but I held myself back. 

"Maybe just maybe I might feel the same way." I answered honestly 

It got really silent around us. We both stared into each others eyes. She flipped me over to where I was now the one being pinned down by her. Her face now hovered over mine. My heart beat faster. 

"Well do you?" She asked 

I nodded softly as I looked her in the eyes. She lowered her face down till her lips touched mine. She was gentle and her tongue danced with mine. It felt right like they had been like that forever. She kissed me until I was breathless. She pulled away. Her eyes looked into mine. 

"Why didn't you just tell me." She asked 

"Because I wanted to hear you say it first." I told her 

She got off the top of me and sat on her side of the bed. 

"Come here" She said to me 

I raised up and sat down in front of her. She grasped my hands and intertwined her fingers with mine. This time I leaned forward and kissed her. It made me feel like I was flying. I pressed my lips hard against hers and bit her bottom lip. As I pulled away I kissed her forehead. 

"Will you hold me please?" I asked 

She nodded and layed down on my side of the bed. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her. Yeah I definately felt something strong for her.

\-- 

 

"They don't know about the things we do, They don't know about the I love yous" Bellamy sung 

I eyed Finn who walked over to Bellamy and told him he needed to shut up in a nice way. Bellamy stopped singing and with a sad puppy dog look on his face. 

"So Lexa did you get to talk to Clarke tonight?" Finn asked me 

"No, I wanted to but she was hanging around another girl." I told him with sadden eyes 

I attempted to go and talk to her a few times when I saw her but everytime she was with that brunette girl. They looked really into each other when they were around each other. 

"Oh you mean Tavia. Yeah her and Clarke are just friends.. well best friends." Finn told me with a warm smile 

He made me feel a little better with those words but his girlfriend's face did not agree with those words. Did she know something that he did not? 

"Is there something you know that he does not" I asked her kindly 

She looked over at Bellamy who was past out snoring on the sofa recliner. 

"Well I don't know about Clarke but I do know that Tavia is like totally in love with her. She was always around when I dated Clarke." She whispered to me 

Those words sadened me but I was not about to lose faith because even if the brunette girl they called Tavia was in love with her, that didn't mean Clarke felt the same. Did it? 

\--


	3. Should I Stay Or Should I Go

My head ached from the awful hangover that lingered from last nights party. Luckily my Gimmie didn't noticed or she would wipe me off the face of the planet. Wiping my eyes I made my way over to the bathroom sink to wipe the lingering smell of the drama of last night. Between the fight with Clarke and Octavia and putting up with the stupidity of people at that party I was sure I didn't want to be around anyone today. Finn was that exception though. He had plans for us today before we were off to school and sucked back into the drama that came with it. 

"Raven!! Finn is downstairs waiting" My Gimme yelled 

He is early so I must rush to get dressed. Great. I walk over to my dresser and grab a red tank top and some jeans with holes sporadically on them. After I am dressed I brush my teeth and then my hair. Finally I slip on some red Nike tennis shoes and head downstairs. 

"Hey babe" I said greeting my boyfriend with a warm smile "You're early" 

He smiled and greeted me with a hug. 

"I had to move our plans up a little earlier because Lexa asked me if I could build something for her." He said 

I wonder what it was she wanted him to make. Anyways I didn't mind him going to Lexa's, she is a great girl. 

"Well that is fine with me it just means I get to see you earlier." I said with a smile 

After that we walked out into the beautiful sunlight and cool breeze that awaited us through the door. 

\--

Last night was quite the blur for me. I partied just a little too hard. I honestly don't even remember how I got home. My stomach starts to growl loudly like it is trying to tell me something highly important. Maybe I should wake Clarke and Octavia up to see if they want to get something to eat. I make my to the back of the house to Tavia's bedroom. When I enter I see that her and Clarke are cuddled into like a little ball on her bed. It is kind of cute. 

"Tavia wake up." I said tapping her on the foot

It takes three attempts before she wakes up. She stretches and let's out a yawn. 

"Bell why are you in my room? You know the rules." Tavia asked 

Right after that Clarke woke up letting out small yawns.

"I just wanted to see if you guys wanted to grab a bite to eat." I said 

Tavia is not really a morning person so it came as not surprise when she said no. 

"How about you princess? You want to grab bite?" I asked with a smirk 

The blonde rolled her eyes and denied my offer. I guess I was going alone.

\--

Lexa: Hey Finn just wondering if you could still come by and make that thing for me c: 

Finn: Sure no problem. What did you have in mind? 

Lexa: I was thinking a small racoon that can be put on a silver chain. Like make it into a necklace. 

Finn: Awwe I take it this is for Clarke (;   
Lexa: No spoilers, you will find out soon enough lol 

\-- 

Last night was full of surprises and revelations. Tavia decided to lay back down after Bellamy left. Me on the other hand did not. I can't sleep all day and I was not about to let Tavia do the same. Plus we had a lot to talk about. 

"Come on let's go do something." I told her rubbing the tip of her shoulder

Tavia pulled me back down beside her and wrapped me in her arms.

"We are doing something" She said with a smirk 

Nope. She was not doing this today. I forced my way out of her tight grasped and took her hand pulling her into a sitting position. 

"Nope, you are not sleeping all day. We are doing something fun." I told her "Now come on get dressed." I ordered playfully 

Finally she got out of bed. While she jumped in the shower, I got grabbed my bag to grab the clothes I was gonna wear today. I could hear the shower start to run and Tavia letting out a shriek when she stepped in.

"You OK in their?" I asked with a small giggle 

"I would be a lot better if you were in here with me." She teased 

Nope, I was not letting her win. I knew her little tricks and tactics. 

"Nice try! I know you to well Tavia." I told her 

After a few more attempts to get me to join her in the shower Tavia finally gave up. It didn't take her long to finish after that. So I scooped up my clothes and headed for the shower. 

\--

Finn and I arrived at this little art studio type place. I wondered what he had in store for our date. He is really big on making art. We entered the studio which was called Caution. Weird name but kind of creative at the same time. He took me down a hallway to a fairly large room. Inside of it was all kind of art supplies and your own studio to do whatever. 

"Finn this is amazing! This must of been really expensive." I said in awwe 

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. 

"Anything for my girl." He said wrapping me into his embrace

I could help but smile, Finn was a really sweet guy. 

"I love you" I told him 

"I love you too" He replied 

He went over and grabbed small pieces of scrap metal and a blow torch. He arranged the small pieces of metal on the table in front of him. 

"You might want to back up a little babe" He said 

I backed a few hundred paces from him. He grabbed some needle nose pliers and put a small piece of metal between the tips of it. He grabbed a face mask and secured it on his face. He began to go away to work on his special project. 

\--

Murphy: Bro where you at?

Bellamy: Grabbing a bite to eat hbu 

Murphy: Just got back from Emori's house. You mind if I join you?

Bellamy: Sure. I am at Sonics 

Murphy: Cool be there in a few (: 

\--

"What did you have exactly in mind for today?" I asked 

Clarke thought for a moment and then smiled deviously. Usually when she smiled like that it only meant one thing.

"It's a surprise" she said pulling her jeans up over her thighs

I knew it. I didn't know what to wear because I didn't know exactly what the plans were. So I just decided on a white T-shirt and pair of really broken in jeans. Clarke slipped a white tank top with a black vest jacket on top of it.   
Finally we were both dressed.

"Alright mystery girl let's go" I said 

Clarke smirked and took my hand and dragged me out the door. There was no car here so where ever we were going I prayed was not a far walk. She linked her arm with mine and we started walking down the street.

"You remember when we were in the fifth grade when we begged our parents to build us a clubhouse so that we could be away from Bellamy?" Clarke asked 

I thought for a moment. I pictured a small, tiny little blonde girl and a brunette, scrawny girl running away from a freckled face dweeb with dark brown hair. Bellamy would chase after us all the time and even back then he tried to flirt with Clarke. I hated it so I came up with the idea that Clarke and I needed a spot of our own. 

Drifting back into reality we were almost to our destination. She was taking me to our old clubhouse. I wondered if it even was still standing.

"Are you sure it even is still standing?" I asked 

"Well I guess we are about to see." She said as dragged me down the grassy trail. 

We didn't want it to be on display for other people to see especially Bellamy so we picked a hidden location. The grass on the trail had grown so it was a little harder to get back there. When we finally made it back there I was amazed to see it still standing. It was much older now and the wood had aged a bit. 

"Alright mystery girl what are we doing here?" I asked 

Clarke took my hand and pulled me to the entrance off the clubhouse. 

"Help me get the door open." Clarke said 

The door had gotten stuck probably from severe weather damage and such. We both pulled at the door to try and pry it loose. After a few attempts it finally budged open.

"Finally I thought I was gonna have to kick the door in." I said 

We both made our way through the door. There were faded chalk drawings that Clarke and I had drawn when we use to come out here. The floor was lightly blanketed with autumn leaves and a cobweb dangled from the top of the roof in a corner parallel from us. We both sat down on one of the benches that was surprisingly still in one piece. 

"Are you gonna finally tell me why you brought me out here cutie?" I asked 

She moved herself a little closer to me and her face became a little more serious.

"We need to talk about last night." Clarke said

\-- 

Finn: What time were you wanting me to come by your house? 

Lexa: 3 ish sounds good 

Finn: Alright I am almost done here. See you soon 

\-- 

"Hey bro" I said to Murphy who made his way inside of my car "Did you walk?" 

"Yeah my car is in the shop. I hit a deer last night on the way back from your house." He said 

My house? When was he there last night? 

"Are you the one who brought me home?" I asked 

"Yeah bro don't you remember?" He asked with a giggle 

I must of been stoned out of my mind last night. I am lucky to have a bro like Murphy. 

"I guess I partied to hard bro" I said laughing 

Murphy giggled and then it quickly faded to a frown. He started to twiddle his thumbs and his eyes faced towards his legs. I knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong bro?" I asked 

It was silent for a little while. 

"It's Emori. Her parents don't think we should be together because it is a distraction to her studies." Murphy said with a pout 

"I am sorry dude that sucks. What did Emori have to say about it?" I asked 

"She doesn't want to disappoint her parents so she says we should take some time apart." Murphy said 

"If you need anything man I am here for you." I stated resting my hand on his shoulder 

He nodded and we set in silence as we ate our food.

\-- 

"Are you ready to see the finished product?" Finn asked me 

He placed the small item in my hand. I glanced down at it. It was a small tiny raven.

"This is so sweet!! Thanks babe." I said with a wide grin 

He is truly the greatest boyfriend in history. 

"And look I made a small little hole so you can put it on a necklace or something." Finn said proudly 

He pulled me into his warm embrace and our lips danced against each others for a moment. 

"I will keep this forever." I told him 

After he was done cleaning up, we left.   
"I have one more surprise for you." Finn said 

He took my hand and interlocked our fingers together. After a little while of driving he stopped off at this beautiful little spot facing the water. 

"Come on babe." Finn said 

He took me to the back of his car. He opened the trunk and retrieved a small cooler and medium sized blanket. 

"I thought it would be nice for us to have a picnic lunch." Finn said with a smile 

He laid the blanket over the soft green grass and placed the cooler beside it. We both sat down on the cover as the light cool air blew gently on our faces. 

"I made us a few sandwiches. Yours is tomato and avocado with light mayo just like you like it. Also got your favorite Fiji water." Finn said 

It was nice just the two of us having a picnic with a view of the crystal blue water. We talked. We laughed. All in a it was one of the best dates I have ever had. 

"Can't this day last a little longer?" I asked 

"I wish. So have you thought more about what I said?" Finn asked 

Oh yeah I had almost forgotten about the whole thing with Clarke and Octavia. 

"Actually up until now I forgot. Maybe it is fate for me to forget." I said sarcastically 

"Raven I know it is hard for you but you need some closure with Clarke. You guys dated for a while and I hate seeing the two of you fight." Finn said 

"I will consider talking to her but let's enjoy the rest of our date." I said compromising 

\-- 

"Talk?" I said 

"Yes Tavia talk" Clarke said 

I didn't like the sound of this. Every time someone wanted to talk it always ended badly. 

"OK go ahead." I said 

"I think we should take things slow. Given my past, I don't want to rush into things too quickly. We are friends and I don't want to ruin that by taking things too fast. This doesn't mean I don't have feelings for you because I do I just want to make sure I am ready for a serious relationship." Clarke said 

I took time to process the words the blonde girl had just spoken. 

"So what does this mean for us?" I asked 

"Think of it as a friends with benefits." Clarke said 

Friends with benefits? Would I be able to even do that? Could I handle seeing Clarke with anyone else? 

"Well I guess it is better than nothing. Does this mean we are in an open relationship so to speak?" I asked 

She thought for a moment. 

"I am not sure so I can't answer that right now." Clarke said softly 

I knew this those words were gonna be bad. I guess I would settle for it though considering how deep my feelings for this girl were. 

"Ok." I said 

It was silent for a while around us. Whoever said love was painful was not lying. This was gonna be extremely hard. 

\-- 

I arrived at Lexa's a bit late due to Raven and I talking for a while. I knocked on Lexa's door a few times. The door opened up after the first few times.

"Hey Finn come on in." Lexa greeted 

I walked in and took a seat on her black leather couch. Lexa walked into the kitchen and grabbed a few drinks. 

"So did you make it?" Lexa asked with a smile 

I pulled the small raccoon figurine out of my pocket. 

"Here you go. Now let's discuss about how Clarke is gonna be one lucky lady." I said with a smirk 

Her cheeks were colored red as she chuckled nervously. 

"It's OK you can tell me. I can keep a secret." I said with a smile 

She slipped the small raccoon figurine onto a thin silver chain. 

"Do you mind leaving this on her doorstep?" Lexa asked 

I nodded giving her confirmation that I accepted her mission. 

\-- 

Finn: Mission accomplished (; I put it the mailbox instead 

Lexa: Thanks Finn you're the best 

Finn: Are you gonna tell her it is from you? 

Lexa: Maybe lol

\--


	4. Wicked Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for all the grammar errors I wrote this in late hours of the night and wanted to rush to post this. hope you still enjoy it though

The weekend was over and school was back in session. After I had told Tavia that I think we should take things extremely slow we hadn't talked much after that. I really did have feelings for her I just wanted to make sure they were one hundred percent real. Sometimes it's hard when you're friends with someone and also feel something deeply for them to distinguish the two separately from each other. 

I stood in front of the school scanning my eyes over the crowd of hundreds of students who stood in front of the doors. They were all chattering as they stood in their small cliques. My eyes searched for someone I knew so that I did not have to stand here alone. Searching I see Raven standing with Finn and Lincoln over by the tables where people usually gathered for lunch. I couldn't go over there because I'm not exactly on Raven's good list right now. Then there was Tavia who had just pulled up with her brother Bellamy and Murphy walking towards them. I really wanted to go over there and talk to Tavia but right now was probably not the best time so I avoided them too. I kept looking and looking until I felt a tap on my shoulder from behind. 

"Hey there stranger" the voice said as I turned around to see Lexa standing there with a smile "How are you doing" 

Well I guess I found someone to talk to. "Hey I've been good and how about you?" I ask politely 

Her eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas day. "I have been good. Do you know why they are making us wait outside this long?" she asked trying to make small talk. I really didn't know why we had wait out here either. School usually opened up at 8:30 a.m and it was already 9:15 a.m 

"Attention students. I am sorry for the delay but today we will be having new students join our school from Mt. Grounder Prep so please make them all feel welcome." Principle Jaha spoke into the megaphone 

New students? Great more people just what we all need. 

\-- 

New students? This could be good. I enter the school with Bell and Murphy. The hallways are filled with people as I make my way through the crowd. This should be a fire hazard. 

"See you later" I say to Bell and Murphy as I part ways from them. Since there is no room to get to my locker I head straight for first block. I don't make it there without knocking into abs dude first. "Hey watch where you're going!" 

He looks down at me and smiles. "My bad these hallways are overcrowded so it is a little hard to navigate through here." I roll my eyes and walk away from him without saying goodbye. 

Finally after 10 minutes I make it to gym class. There are more students than usual in there people I don't know. Mrs Gold has us all grab a chair and form a big circle. "Today we are going to all get to know each other a little bit since we have new students." 

Great. We have to a have pow wow when I could be knocking so dweeb out with a dodgeball instead. I do as I am told though to avoid any conflict with Mrs Gold since she loves to send me to the principal's office on a routine basis. 

"We are gonna go around the circle and say our name, age, and one fact about us." Mrs Gold states. Luckily I am not first. 

"Hey I'm Anya. I'm 16. One fact about me is that I am not a fan of school." That earns a few laughs from everyone including me. Mrs Gold grits her teeth and smiles trying to be nice. I wonder just how long she can hold back from yelling at someone. A few more kids talk and then it comes to me. Lovely. 

"I'm Tavia. I'm 17 and I rather not be doing this right now." I said challenging Mrs Gold. Her faces is red and I think that she might pop. I can actually see the anger boiling inside of her. 

"Miss Blake get out of my class!!" She orders. I knew I could get her to budge and work it to my advantage. I grab my bag and exit the gym. 

\-- 

I sit with Finn and Lincoln on the benches as we chat about the new students at our school. "Bro if we get any more people in this school it might explode." Lincoln laughs. As we are talking two other students is nearby at another table chatting. They look new or I have never seen them around. I nudge Finn on the shoulder and tilt my head in their direction. Finn gets up and takes my hand as we walk other to the two other kids. 

"Are guys new?" Finn asks. The two boys look up from there conversation. One of them reaches their hand out to shake Finn's "Yes. I am Cage Wallace and this is my friend Emerson." 

"I'm Finn. This is my girlfriend Raven and over on the tables over there is Lincoln." Finn says. Cage waves over to Lincoln and then comes back to us. "You guys can chill with us if you want."

"Maybe some other time Emerson and I have a meeting we have to be getting to." Cage states politely. The two boys walk off to a car, a nice car might I add. 

"Bro that was Dante Wallace's son" Lincoln says walking over to us. "His father is like seriously bad news." 

"Oh yeah I've heard of him. Isn't he like some big time drug dealer for the mafia or something?" Finn asks. Lincoln confirms Finn's statement with a nod. 

"Anyways the bell is about to ring soon." Lincoln says reaching into his bag "wanna get high?" Lincoln asks   
Finn nods yes and we follow Lincoln to his car. 

\--

Mr. Kane is out sick today so our class meets in the commons area located by the front office. Lexa and I are sitting on one of the benches and there is an awkward silence between us. "So what did you do over the weekend?" I ask breaking the silence.

"It's top secret" she smiles "if I told you I would have to kill you." I let out a small laugh and this sets of a chain reaction laugh from her. Her laugh is cute that of a small child and her eyes kind of light up. 

"Oh is that right?" I ask with a smirk. She nods and winks at me. I don't know her very well yet I feel like I have known her my whole life time. What did this all mean? I already had feelings for Tavia I needed to sort out and I didn't need anything else to add to that. She scoots a little closer to me where our pinkies are now grazing each other. My body becomes warm and my knees are weak. This was not gonna be easy.

After sitting there for a few minutes I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around and my heart falls into my stomach, Tavia. She has a little bit of an evil eye going on right now when she sees how close Lexa is sitting to me. "Let me guess you were kicked out of class again?" I asked trying to break the awkwardness I was feeling at the moment. 

"Yeah not a real interesting story right now" she says looking over at Lexa "at least not as interesting as what's going on over here." She says sarcastically. I can tell that she was not a big fan of our arrangement or Lexa at the moment. 

"Can we talk later?" I asked her nicely. She nods and walks off to the office. Phew. That could of ended terribly. 

\-- 

I wait in a chair for the secretary to tell me it is ok to go see the principal. As I am waiting I am forced to watch Clarke and that Lexa chic laugh and make googly eyes at each other. I start to ball my fist up like I am about to jump through the glass and put a stop to it. My face is slightly red and I am gritting my teeth. Before I get any more mad the secretary tells me I can go back now. 

I walk in to see Jaha and the school's officer, this can't be good. "Please close the door Miss Blake." I do as I am told and take a seat in front of the two. "This is Mr. Miller he is here because due to your repeated acts of defiance we are forced to suspend you for 3 days. He will take you to your house and I have already had a teacher notify your brother of this." Principal Jaha explained. Great, Bell was gonna be really mad. On the plus side though I could use the break from this place. 

"If you will come with me Miss Blake I will escort you to your locker to gather your things that you need while you are gone." Officer Miller ordered. I nod and follow him out the door and all eyes are on me including Clarke and Lexa's. I bet they think I am going to juvie or something by the way there faces look. 

After I get the things out of my locker and make my way outside with Officer Miller to the police car parked out front. We get in and take off for my house. "So do you live with just your brother?" Officer Miller asked. Was he trying to make small talk? 

"Yeah." I reply. He smiles and seems very friendly. My phone starts to buzz before he can get another question in. I unlock my phone to read my message. It's from Clarke. 

Clarke <3: why was officer miller escorting you out of school? 

Wouldn't she like to know. Even when we are fighting or have a problem we always still care for each other and worry. 

Me: I am fine see you after school 

I hit send and put my phone away. "Let me guess big brother?" Officer Miller asks. 

"No just a friend." I say blandly. 

"Ah. It's good to have friends in your life. Are you guys close?" He asks. Wow he was really asking some personal questions but he was so friendly I couldn't not answer. 

"We use to be but she is kind of on her own planet right now." I reply 

"Just give her time maybe there is a reason for it. Have you tried talking to her?" 

"We are suppose to talk after school." I answer. Something inside of me wants to let all of my problems pour out. "I don't know how well everything will go and honestly I am little scared." 

"She sounds like a very important person in your life." He says 

"Yeah I care about her a lot I just don't know if she cares about me the same way." 

"Maybe when you talk to her later you can try talking to her about it. It can be very hard to make yourself vulnerable to people but communication is key in any relationship for it to successful." 

Wow he is really good at giving advice. I take the time to let his words sink in the rest of the ride to my house.

\--

At lunch Finn, Lincoln, Bellamy, and I chat about our day and the new kids. 

"Tavia got suspended for 3 days. I am gonna kick her butt when I get home." Bellamy says. No surprise there really. Tavia is always getting into trouble. "Should I ground her?" Bellamy jokes. Everyone laughs 

"Dude did you know Dante Wallace's son goes to this school." Lincoln tells Bellamy. 

"Seriously?" Bellamy asks "I wonder if his son can score me some good weed." Everyone laughs. I take a bite of my sandwich and guzzle down my water. 

"I have to get to shop class early today got to get a head start on something." I say as I grab my books. Finn kisses me goodbye. 

I head towards the school to put away my books before heading over to the shop building. As I am walking to my locker I run into Clarke and Lexa who are giggling in the hallway as they eat their lunch. Great. 

"Hey Raven!" Lexa greets me. "You doing ok?" 

"Yeah I'm good. I actually have to get to a class early so I will see you around" I reply politely. I ignore Clarke's presence and walk off. Clarke and Lexa were way too close and friendly comfort. Guess Clarke is playing the field. Octavia is gonna be so mad. This was not my problem though I just need to focus on school and Finn. 

I finally make it to class. Mr. Sharp is at his computer working on something. "Hey Mr. S" I greet him. He looks up from his computer with a smile and nods. "Do you mind if I get started a little early?" 

"Not at all Miss Reyes" He replies. "But are you sure you wouldn't rather be spending your lunch with your friends?" 

"I ate lunch and I enjoy this class so it is like a treat for me" I answer 

He smiles and carries on with his work. 

\-- 

Lexa and I pretty much have spent the whole day together due to second block being combined with hers. I have had fun talking to her and honestly it is refreshing to talk to someone who does not know me so well. 

After lunch I part ways with Lexa and head to my third block class, study hall. When I reach the room I see Bellamy setting at his desk talking to Murphy. 

"Bell can I catch a ride with you after school?" I ask as I walk up to him and Murphy "I need to talk with Tavia" 

"Sure princess." He smiled a cheeky grin. Honestly it was adorable. I walk over to my seat after parting ways with them. I didn't have any homework so I just sat in my seat thinking about Tavia and Lexa and about how I felt about them. Tavia has been my friend for a long time and I would be crazy to ignore the spark that has been between us for a while now. On the other hand there is Lexa who was comforting and a change of scenery so to speak. Both of them great people but for different reasons. 

I pull out my phone and slide it off unlock.

Me: I am catching a ride with Bell to your house after school... Are you ok with still talking?

I hit send and wait for her reply. I think back to a time to when Tavia and I were at Bellamy's sixteenth birthday party. I remember us stealing a few beers from the fridge and Tavia had a pint of whiskey stashed away. She took me to her room and we got drunk together. Tavia was leaned back against the wall and I rested my head on her stomach looking up at the ceiling. "Do you believe is fate?" I had asked her. 

She thought for a moment before answering me "Absolutely" she replied as she took a sip of her half warm beer. "I think some things or some people are just meant to be." 

I drifted back into reality as I was startled by the ring of the bell. I grabbed my books and headed out of class. I had a lot of thinking to do. 

\--   
I was enjoying my vacation away from school. It gave me time to gather my thoughts and plus I didn't have be surrounded by idiots all day. I hear my phone buzz and pick it up to see Clarke had texted me. She said she was getting a ride from Bell to come here. Just awesome I don't know if I was exactly prepared to talk to her that soon but I guess it is best we get this over with.

Me: Yeah that's fine 

I send the text and go to the fridge and grab an ice cold beer. I needed a little liquid courage before talking to Clarke. Soon one beer became five followed by a few shots of whiskey. I stumbled to my room to take a nap to sleep off some of the buzz before Bell got here didn't want to be too drunk. I shut my eyes and all I can think about is Clarke though. The way her hair flowed on a windy day or dim light lit up her in all the right places during a rainy day. I was a lovesick fool. My eyes kept drifting in and out of consciousness as my eyes finally shut and I drifted into an alcoholic slumber. 

\--

Raven: hey babe I am staying after school today see you later tonight. 

Finn <33: alright I love you (: are you going to the lake tonight a bunch of people are gonna have a party?

Raven: Yeah that sounds cool love you too c: 

Finn <33: pick you up around 8? 

Raven: see you then <3

\-- 

I waited for Clarke out by my car because she was late as usual. Her and Tavia had not been as close as they use to be these past few days, they seemed distant. I hated when they fighted because in all honesty I was jealous of the bond they had. All I ever wanted is someone I could have that type of friendship or relationship with but luck was not on my side. 

Finally after fifteen minutes I see Clarke. "Took you long enough princess" I tell her with a smirk "You are just lucky I waited for you."

She rolls her eyes at me "Bell it took forever to get through that huge crowd" she replied as she patted my chest "Besides I like to make you wait" 

We both got into the car and drove off leaving the school behind in a cloud of dust. Clarke looked out the window as she rested her head on her hand. "So are you gonna tell me why you and my sister are fighting?" I pry

"Friends fight Bell that is just how it goes in life." 

She was right but I knew this extended way deeper than she led on. I have known Clarke my whole life and I have seen how her and my sister are. This wasn't just nothing it was something bigger. "Can I ask you something?" she nods letting me know I can. "Are you and my sister... have you two seeing each other?" 

She doesn't acknowledge the question at first. "It's complicated Bell. I care very deeply for Tavia you know that I just don't know exactly how to.." she pauses. "How to know what these feelings I have for her all mean." 

I take a second to take this all in and process the situation. "Can you promise me one thing?" I ask 

"Yeah sure." She replies 

"Promise you won't... promise you won't hurt her."

"I don't want to hurt her. I could never hurt her. I will do my best not to"

\-- 

"Miss Reyes what are you doing here?" Mr Sharp asks 

"I just wanted to get a little further in my project." I reply 

"Have you consider being a mechanic as your career?" He chuckles

"Actually I have considered it. I really feel at home when I am in this shop." 

"Well any person would be lucky to have you as their mechanic." 

He walks off to his desk and takes a seat. I grab a wrench and socket and start to take apart this gasket. I loved the way the wrench felt in my hand and the smell of the grease in the air. It may seem weird but I really meant it when I said that this place was like my second home. 

After I finish taking apart the gasket I put away my tools and gather my things up. "See you later Mr. S" I wave to him as I exit the class. 

I make my way to the bus stop and take a seat. My phone starts to buzz as soon as I am seated. I pull it out and slide it off unlock. It's Finn.

Finn <33: Hey do you need a ride I am like 5 minutes away from the school? 

That is sweet of him to ask me. It was dark outside and I didn't really want to wait for the bus. 

Me: Actually that would be great!! Meet by the bus stop.

I press send and wait for him to arrive. As I am sitting there I think about my future. I think about the things that I can accomplish and have Finn by my side at the same time. It feels good to think about these things and then something comes to my mind that I don't expect, Clarke. It had been a week since our last fight and as much as I wanted to avoid her I needed to find peace. Finn was right. Now I don't know about becoming friends with her again that might take some time if it is even an option. I am pulled out of my thoughts when I see headlights coming into the parking lot. Finn. I get up and walk towards the car. Finn is in a white t shirt and some worn out jeans. "Hey babe" he greets me with a kiss. I kiss him back and we drive off.

\--   
Tavia is sound asleep when I enter her room. I go and take a seat beside her sleeping body. "Tavia wake up." I say gently as I tap her on the shoulder. It takes a few tries before I finally wake her up. I can smell alcohol on her breath as she sits up. "Have you been drinking?" 

"Earlier but I have slept off my buzz unfortunately." She replies with sarcasm. Her eyes softens when she looks at me. "So you and Lexa seem to be hitting it off pretty well?" 

"Tavia... Don't be like that." I say as I try to comfort her but she pushes my hands away. 

She gets up from her bed and paces around her room. "Clarke I saw the way you were with her... You obviously like her." She paces her room some more. "I thought I would be fine with this whole arrangement but the truth is that I'm not. I can't stand to see you with anyone else Clarke." 

I get up from her bed and walk over to her trying to calm her down. Her shoulder were tense and her eyes a little watery. Had she been crying? "Look Tavia you know that I care for you but I need to make sure that this is real" I placed my palm on her cheek and turned her face to mine so that we were eye to eye. "I don't want to ruin this because I care about you" 

She pulled away from me but her eyes still met mine. "If you care about me so much then why do you keep hurting me Clarke?" Her voice cracked and tears formed in the corner of her eyes. I hurt her? I didn't want this. The tears continued to roll down her face and I could see the hurt in her eyes. Why is it I always cause other people pain? 

"I never meant to hurt you, Tavia." I grabbed her and embraced her into me as our bodies left no spaces between us. "I'm sorry" I whisper. I kiss her on the forehead and it is soft and sweet. I expect her to push me away but she doesn't. We just sit there the space around us quite yet the air is thick. Her tears stained into my shirt leaving the memory of me being the cause of them. I grasped her fragile body a little harder. “I never meant to hurt you” 

She raised up from my practical death lock on her. Her eyes are red and swollen from the salty tears that stain her incredible jaw line. “Can you please stay with me tonight?” She asked 

Honestly I didn't want to leave her because I felt partially responsible for all of this. I also didn't want to leave her because she was my friend. “Sure” I replied stroking her soft brunette hair “Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah go ahead” she responded. She burrowed her head deeper into my lap and resting her hand on the top of my knee. Her touch was soft and it soothed me. 

“You remember in seventh grade at Jasper’s thirteenth birthday party?” I took a deep breath “when we were all playing spin the bottle?” 

She didn't answer at first and I was sure it was because she knows exactly what I am talking about. “Yeah” she replied deeply exhaling awkwardly.

“Remember when it was your turn” I took another deep breath “and it landed on me?” 

“Yes Clarke what are you getting at here?” 

“That’s when you first had feelings for me right?” 

She was silent as she sat up leaning against the headboard beside me. She turned her face so that our eyes met. “I don't know what you want me to say” she said taking my hands into hers “Of coarse it was I have been in love with you since that very day” 

“Your in love with me?” I asked in almost a whisper 

“Yes I love you so much how do you not see that” she paused a beat “I wasn't sure until I saw you with Lexa and I realized I don't want to see you with anyone but me.” 

It was a lot to take in all at once. Sure I loved her but I still wasn't sure if I was in love with her. I knew that I had feelings for her but was it love I had no idea. 

\--

We arrived at a party after it had already started. There was only a few people here I actually knew. I saw Bellamy and Murphy talking over by the keg and Lincoln chilling with Jasper and Monty by the bonfire. 

“Do you want a drink?” Finn asked 

“Sure” 

Finn walked over to the keg to fill up a red solo cup with some liquid courage. As he did Bellamy made his way over towards me. 

“Hey Reyes” 

“Hey Bell where's your sister and Clarke at tonight” I forced out 

“Well there's a surprise” he said with a smirk “they are at the house talking some things out” 

“Those two are always so oblivious to each other” I paused a beat “Even when I was dating Clarke I could see that there was something there between them” 

“Yeah I guess I always knew too” Bellamy replied with a cheesy laugh. “Anyways I didn't think you were gonna show tonight” 

“And miss out on all of this fun not a chance”

Before we could continue our conversation Finn made his way back over to us. “What's up dude” Finn greeted Bellamy 

“Nothing much decided to come to this party instead of watching another episode of the clarktavia diaries” he replied chuckling 

“What's up with those two anyways?” Finn asked 

Before Bellamy could respond Cage and Emerson made their ways over to our circle. 

“Hey guys” Finn greeted them 

“Hey” Cage responded “Would you guys be interested in making a little cash?” 

“Depends what did you have in mind” Bellamy stated 

“I have ten pounds of green that need to be sold by next week” Caged responded in a business like manner. “You guys will be paid 10% off every pound you sell plus a genourous 2 pounds for free” 

“Where do I sign up at?” Bellamy blurted out 

I didn't want to be apart of this stuff so I tugged on Finns shirt and we left the conversation. “I really hope Bellamy knows what he is doing” I stated 

“Im sure he does” Finn replied 

We both went and took a seat by the bonfire and soaked up the cool breeze that blew towards us. I had a bad feeling about all of this.

\--

Clarke and I decided to play a game of goldfish. I honestly felt this was a way to deflect the huge elephant in the room. “Do you have a two of spades?” she asked playfully 

“Nope” I replied popping the p harder than usual 

She had a dorky scowl on her face because she was losing and it was adorable. “Are you sure you don't have a two of spades I know you like to cheat sometimes” she said leaning over towards in an attempts to look at my cards. Her knees dug into the bed as she leaned over a little more. We both were laughing and for minute it was like old times. After a third attempt to look at my cards she lost her balance and fell forward on top of me. Things became silent and the air grew heavy. Our heart beats were both unsteady and breathing became heavier. I looked up into her blue eyes and it was like my whole body lit up like the fourth of July. Her long blonde hair draped over my shoulders like a curtain shielding us from the world around us. 

“Clarke…” I started to say but I couldn't force the words off my lips. 

“You don't have to say anything” she said in almost a whisper. 

I could feel the electricity run off our bodies like an electric current. I wanted to kiss her. Should have kissed her but I didn't kiss her. “Maybe we should get back to the game” I suggested almost out of breath.

Clarke raised herself up back into a sitting up position and held her hand out to help me. I grabbed her hand and they were clammy and cold. She pulled almost a little to hard and I went flying towards her. Our heads almost bumped into each other and our faces were centimeters apart. “Yeah maybe we should” she paused a beat “but I don't think cards is an option anymore considering they are scattered on the floor right now” 

“Well what do you suggest?”

I had a few games in mind but the air between us was thick and I felt like I was choking. “Do you love me?” I blurted out breaking the silence between us.

“Of coarse I do I will always love you” she replied sincerely 

“No I mean like love love me?” 

She was silent. My chest started to tighten and my hands were shaking. I felt completely naked around her which was something I didn't do all of the time. “I'm not sure yet.” 

Those words were like a bullet straight to my heart. “Come here for a second” 

She crawled to the other end of the bed to our bodies were beside each other. Both of us were laying on our sides facing each other. I looked into her eyes and I felt a warmth overcome my body. “Did you feel anything when we kissed that night of Lexa’s party?” 

“Yes I did.” she spoke right away not skipping a beat. “I just don't know if it was because I was in love with you” 

“Oh.” I paused “Is it because you also feel something for Lexa?” 

I wasn't really ready for the answer to that question yet. It hurt me so much to think that she may not love me the way that I loved her. 

“Tavia I'm not gonna answer that because I think you already know” she responded giving me those Clarke eyes that meant let's drop the subject. 

“I'm not dropping this Clarke I want to hear you say the words” I demand as I get up from the bed. Back to pacing. “Just admit that you have feeling for her too” 

The blonde headed girl get up from the bed as well. “Tavia why are you making this so hard for me?” She hisses 

“Because I want you to be honest for just once in your life” I snap back 

She grabs my arms in a swift moment stopping me in my tracks. “What's that suppose to mean” 

Everything around is quick and you could cut the tension between us with a knife. “Be honest Clarke you like her and you don't want to admit it because you are too much of a coward to say it” I hiss with harshness in every word

She walks towards me forcing me to walk backwards. “You know what I an tired of you always trying to push me to talk about this” she takes another step forward. I take a step back. “You call me a coward but you’re the one who was too scared to tell me that you are in love with me” Her words are venomous and our heart rates are through the roof. “Just admit it Tavia you are the coward” she steps forward once more and I crash into the wall behind me. 

“Stop it Clarke” I shout. My eyes start to swell and tears flow down my cheeks. 

She hesitates to answer instantly feeling sorry for what she said. Her hands take intertwine with mine. I can see tears form at the corners of her eyes. This night had gotten more heated than I expected it to be. “I'm sorry” she whispers. Her face is centimeters from mine and I can feel her warm minty breath on my face. 

“You say that all the time but you never actually mean it” 

She grabs the front collar of my shirt and jerks me towards her but not too hard to hurt me. Her eyes study my face for a moment. 

“Say something” I demanded. She was still silent now words her eyes just kept studying mine. “Say something Clarke!” 

She didn't say nothing. Her blue eyes kind of sparkled more in the dim light. Before I could say anymore her lips crashed hard in to mine. My back dug into the wall as she picked me up my legs embraced around her waist. We were breathless and I could feel my heart beat pick up along with hers. She deepened the kiss as she pushed harder against my lips. My arms cradled her as our lips swam together. Every fiber of my body lit up and goosebumps covered my body. She turned around in one swift movement and threw me on the bed. Her body hovered over mine and her again drapped around me like a curtain. 

“I can't do this unless it means something Clarke.” I say almost out of breath. “As much as I really really want to I can't put myself through it” 

She nodded acknoledging what I had said. She stopped what she was doing and I could feel the sting in my heart it hurt so bad. I could of just let it happened wanted it to happen but I couldn't do that to myself. 

“Maybe you should just go.” 

She got up without a word and walked out the door. There were no goodbyes no longing looks just silence. My eyes were watery and I felt like screaming. Instead I decided to close my eyes and just go to sleep. 

\--

“You said to meet here” 

“Bellamy I am glad you decided to show up.” He reaches out to shake my hand “And I see you brought your friends as well.” 

Me, Finn, Lincoln, and Murphy stood away from the party in a more secluded area. Cage had his car parked over there and I'm guessing his supply as well. “Yeah they want in on the deal too I hope that is ok”

“It’s fine.” He replied pulling out two duffle bags an small zip lock bag. “Each duffle bag contains five pounds a piece.” He states as he hands over the zip lock bags “These contain a burner phone for each of you so that I can contact you when I need too”

“What about the two pounds you promised us” I interrupted 

“You will get your two pounds when you have sold at least half of the product” he smiled. 

“Ok fair but how do we know you aren't gonna rip us off?” Lincoln asked him 

“I am very loyal” he paused “and I expect the people I associate with are as well” 

“Ok we can sell it to like half of these kids at the party tonight alone” Finn spoke up 

“No” Cage raised his hand “I am a very private person and do not just sell to anyone. You will go to Burthington St. and sell to people there” 

“Dude that town is over runned by The Reaper gang and they are seriously bad news.” I blurted out 

“I am aware of this that is why I will send you in there prepared” he spoke calmly as handed over each of us a 9mm from the trunk of his car 

“I don't think we’re interested in what you are offering” Finn stated firmly 

Cage and Emerson both laughed very wickedly. “I'm sorry but you don't have that option” he grimaced as he pulled out a gun and pointed it towards Finn’s head “See I picked you guys for a reason. You are the perfect movers you are undetectable and no one will expect it.” Cage explained as cocked the gun “I will put a bullet through each one of your skulls and everyone you love if you refuse me or betray me.” 

My heart stopped beating for a moment at his words. This guy was wicked and smart all at the same time. Everyone was on edge and you could see the fear in their eyes.

“We’all do it” I replied 

\--

After I left Tavia’s house I instantly regretted it. Maybe I really was in love with her I am not really sure. I took out my anger and confusion on the street light cement poles outside along the way. My knuckles were bloody and purple but I didn't care. My thoughts were immediately interrupted by the buzz of my cell phone. I reached in my jacket pocket and pulled it out. 

Tavia: hey I realized that you didn't have a ride home you can come back until Bell gets home if you want.

What was with her come here go away game. One day she needs me and another day she pushes me away. As much as I wanted to ignore her something in the back of my mind couldn't let her go. 

Me: I thought you wanted me to leave. Did you really care that I didn't have a way home? 

I pressed send and slid my phone into my pocket. My words to her were harsh but she made me crazy. I cared for deeply but I was just really confused right now. I admit I want her but I can't shake these feelings for Lexa neither. It was utterly and completely frustrating. My anger was interrupted by another buz from my phone. I reached I to my pocket and yet again puller it out to read the text. This time two messages. First message: 

Tavia: I do care about you have you not been listening to me this whole time Clarke!! I love you you dummy

Mom: Are you spending the night at Octavias tonight?

I was conflicted if I should go back to Tavia’s house. I thought back to a time when my dad had just died and I ran directly to Tavia’s house. Bellamy had been at Murphy’s for the night and she was by herself. I remember crying so hard my face was bright red and I was hyperventilating. Tavia had tried to calm me down. She took me in her arms and held me the whole night running her fingers gently over my back. It calmed me. I was pulled out of my thoughts by another text message. 

Bell: I need you to stay with my sister tonight it is very important that you do this. I can't tell you why just yet but I will explain to you when I can. I don't care if she says no do it anyways

Wow he sounded really serious. Well regardless of my fight with Tavia I respected Bell’s wishes and also because I could stay mad at her long. To Bellamy: 

Me: I will you have my word

To Tavia: 

Me: Change in plans your brother says I have to stay the night with you he sounded really serious in his message. 

To my mom: 

Me: staying at Tavia’s tonight love you and see you in the morning

I pressed send on all three messages. I started to walk back towards Tavia’s house. It started to rain pretty hard. The rain beat down against the black top and I was drenched. My phone buzzed again. Thank goodness for a waterproof case. I pulled it out of my jacket pocket. 

Tavia: Ok

Her response was shorter than I expected. I was almost to her house and all of my clothes were soaked. I really hoped Tavia was nice enough to let me borrow a change of her clothes. She usually was good at not staying mad at me as well but I don't if she will be so forgiving this time. I remembered back to another moment I was a solphmore and Tavia was a freshman. It was before my dad had died and before Raven and I had started dating. It was a stormy night quite like this one and I was over at her house. She was being Tavia and had taken my cell phone out of my hand because I wasnt paing attention to her. I remember she held it behind her back and both of my hands were around her trying to get my phone back. My face was so close to hers we both giggled loudly. I remember I was to weak to get it from her so I tickled her. See she had a weakness right above her pelvis bone she was extremely ticklish. She kept laughing and finally she kissed me. It was silent and awkward but something about it was so comforting. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I finally reached Tavia’s house. I walked up to her door and knocked. The rain was really pouring harder now and my lips were chattering. 

“You’re soaked” Tavia stating the obvious when she opened the door. “You know where the towels are.” 

“Thanks” I replied awkwardly 

“Whatever” 

I walked into her house. It was awkward with her because she was quiet and I wasn't use to it. “Can we talk after I dry off and get out of these wet clothes?” 

“Sure” 

Lightening struck hard a flashed through the window lighting up the house more. It looked really gross outside. 

“Can I borrow a t shirt I'm sorry to ask but I wasn't really prepared” 

“That's no surprise” she replied rolling her eyes

Yep she was still mad but I could tell from the tone in her voice that it was more of a shut up Clarke type of manner. I pulled off my extremely soaked pants and shirt. 

“If I would of known that soaked clothes would of made you get naked for me I would doused you with a bucket of water sooner” she broke the silence with a small smirk. I could see that she was coming around. 

“What are you talking about you have seen me naked plenty of times” 

We both giggled. I felt a huge relief swoop over me. The lightening struck again and this time the power went out. 

“Do you got a flashlight app on your phone?” 

“Yeah I will get it out hold on” I replied digging through my jacket pocket. When I founded I slid it off lock and clicked the app. The room lit up a little brighter enough to make out Tavia. 

“Help me find the lantern my brother has in his bedroom closet.” 

“Can I at least get a shirt or something first?” 

She looked me up and down. “You have a bra and undergarments on that's all you need for now” she smiled deviously 

She was doing this on purpose and I didn't mind it at all. We both walked towards Bell’s room. It only took a few seconds to get to his room. When we entered the room the first thing I noticed was the huge poster of a band called One Direction on his wall. 

“Your brother is so weird” 

“Uh duh” 

We finally opened up his closet door and started digging. As we searched our bodies kept touching and sometimes I even scooted near her on purpose. 

“Your brother is so unorganized” I spoke up rustling through the many papers in Bellamy's closet. “How does he find anything?” 

“Beats me” she replied. She leaned over on me and grabbed a small object. “Found the lattern” 

We both got up and adjusted ourselves. As she looked at me the lightening boomed a little harder. 

“Can I finally get some clothes now” I laugh 

She gets up closer to my face a little bit. “Nope” she says popping the p again harder than usual as she turns around and walks away.

I was in for an eventful night. What could possibly happen?

\--

It started to rain really hard so I crashed at Murphy’s with Finn and Lincoln. 

“Dudes what are gonna do about Cage?” I ask a little worried 

“I don't think there is anything we could do” Finn spoke up “His dad is involved with the mofia and I an sure they have the police wrapped around their fingers” 

“You guys can sleep in our spare bedroom” Murphy interrupted pointing to Finn and Lincoln 

“What about me?” 

“You can sleep on the spare bed in my room” He replied 

We all decided to head to bed and process what had happened tonight. Finn and Lincoln separated off into the spare bedroom. Murphy and I headed to his bedroom. The lightening boomed louder as we walked up the stairs. I had to admit I was not exactly fond of thunderstorms. 

We finally made it to Murphys room after a few seconds. His room was average size and filled with posters of various rock bands. About the headboard of his bed he had a lit up No Vacancy sign. 

“Here is a pair of sweats and t shirt” Murphy said throwing the clothes on to the spare bed

“Thanks bro” I replied as I started undressing “So have you talked to Emori lately?” 

I pulled the white t shirt over my torso and it was tight fitting because Murphy was the size of a twig. “No I don't think she wants to work things out.”

“I'm sorry to here that you are a good dude and anyone would be lucky to date you” I responded sincerely pulling the sweats over my hips.

“Thanks Bell you’re always such a good friend” 

We both got into our beds and settled in. “You too dude” 

\--

Clarke had been bickering for the past thirty minutes for me to give her clothes. I liked making her bicker it was cute.

“Clarke you are fine you are clothed somewhat” 

She looked at me with those eyes that said I know what you are doing. I shot her a sarcastic smile to confirm. 

“If you keep complaining I will make you sleep on the floor” 

She dropped it and we walked back to my bedroom. I took a seat on my bed and she made herself comfortable on my desk directly across from me. The lightening lit her up in certain places that made my knees weak. I sat the lantern on the end table beside my bed.

“So I think we should tell ghost stories like we use to when we were younger” I suggest 

“Are you sure about that because I seem to remember you getting to scared” she said mocking a younger version of me

“I don't recall that I was a child back then and my memory is blurry” 

She responded with a laugh and a look that said yeah whatever Tavia. I notice her start to shiver a bit after a while.

“Cold? There is a bed over here with nice warm blankets” I teased 

“You know what would make me warm up even more? If you would give me a shirt to wear” she replied sarcastically 

“I think warm blankets are the better option here” 

I got under the covers and moved around until I was more comfortable. Clarke pulled her knees up under chin and wrapped her arms around her soaked legs. 

“I'm sorry about earlier” the blinded headed girl blurted out 

I could here the sincerity in her voice so I know she meant it. “I forgive you and I'm sorry I got all crazy emotional on you” 

“I forgive you” she responded quietly 

The silence was awkward between us. It was unusual for it to feel this way because Clarke and I had always been comfortable with each other. “So are you gonna get in the bed or do I have to pick you up and put you over here” I asked sarcasticly breaking the silence 

“We both know you are not the strong one here” she responded and her eyes challenging me

I accepted her challenge and got up and went over towards her. I wrapped arms around her attempted to pick her up. She was right I was weak.

“If you drop me I will kill you Tavia” Clarke pleaded through her laughter 

“Maybe I should drop you I mean you called me weak” I teased as I stumbled around carrying her. I loosened my grip slightly on purpose trying to scare her. 

“Tavia please don't let go of me” she laughed 

Her skin was cold and wet against my hands. She looked at me with crystal blue puppy dog eyes. “I've got you” I replied gently 

Time stopped for a moment as we were drawn to each other. I couldnt handle it. I broke the tension by dropping her on the bed. 

“You got my clothes wet you dork” 

\--

Finn: hey babe I won't be at school for a few days I will explain why later

Raven: ok… I guess I will see you in a few days?

Finn: love you I promise to explain 

Raven: love you too 

\--

“I hope my sister is ok” I say as I grip the blankets tighter “I know how much she hates storms” 

Murphy laughs at me. His eyes tell that he does not believe me at all. “I'm sure she will be fine she's got Clarke with her” he says reassuring me anyways 

“They better not be making out in my bed!” I protested grabbing the blankets tighter at the sound of thunder crackling through the room

“Are you sure your sister is the one scared of storms” Murphy teases 

“Yeah she hates storms” I lied 

“Ok whatever you say bro” Murphy laughed 

Our laughter echoed the room and felt peaceful. I rest my head softly on the pillow trying to sleep and ignore the storm. 

\--

Tavia slid off her barely wet clothes. If you ask me I think she just wanted to be half naked in front of me. 

“Seriously Tavia your clothes are barely wet” I laughed leaning back on the bed propped up on my elbows

She turned to look at me as the lightening lit up her half bare body. She was absolutely stunning. 

“Maybe I felt bad because I didn't give you an extra change of clothes to wear” Her lips formed a devious smirk around them “Or maybe I just wanted to show you what you are missing out on” 

She was trying to seduce me and honestly I didn't mind. If we could figure out these feelings we held for each other I'm sure there would be other activities we would be doing right now. She walked towards me each step seductive and mischievous as ever. With each step she took my heart beat faster.

“Time for pay back Clarke” She smirked 

She must be referring to the night I teased her into admitting she had feelings for me. I was pretty much doomed. See when Tavia gets payback for something it is not your typical type. She will literally make you want to surrender before she is even finished with you. I have witnessed it with my own eyes. This was sort of different though because it was seductive and not wrathful. Her feet almost reached the edge of the bed. 

“I have been your best friend for many years now Tavia I know all all” I stuttered as she pressed forward straddling me as her body hovered over mine “This is so unfair” 

“You haven't even seen unfair yet” she teases as she leans her head down sinking her teeth into the soft skin of my neck. 

My body was vibrating and my senses were heightened. It honestly turned me on but I was not about to budge. She kissed my neck sweetly and with such gentleness. 

“I could make you pop like a bottle of fresh champaign” She practically whispered into my mouth as she bit my bottom lip this time. It wasn't your average soft bite she put force behind it and as much as it stinged it felt good. 

Her left hand gently rubbed the side of my torso as she crashed her lips into mine. It was rough and teasing. Soft giggles echoed throughout the room. She definitely knew what she was doing. Her fingertips gently rubbed my lower torso. Electricity shot through my body when she deepened the kiss. 

“Tavia please” I say pulling away from her lips breathless “You win” 

“I'm not done with you just yet” she laughed deviously

What more could she do to torture me? She got off of me and placed her on the floor. Her hands grabbed mine and pulled me up to where we were face to face. There were only centimeters from each other and my heart beat only faster. She leaned in to me and collided he lips against mine once more. This time it was much sweeter, softer, and full of passion. Her lips pulled away from mine and she rubbed her thumb over my bottom lip so gently. 

“I think I need a cold shower” I interupted 

“Want me to join you?” She smiled wickedly 

Was she trying to kill me? My emotions were all jumbled from this night. Was I in love with her or purely just lust? I knew that when I was with her it was comforting and felt safe. 

“Not a chance” I smirked “After that tease show I don't think I could handle it” 

She wrapped her arms around my waist resting her head on my shoulder trying to get me to change my mind. I instantly felt at home in her embrace. Maybe I did love her.

\--

The bright light peaked through the window like darting laser beams. I tried to pry my eyes open but they wouldn't seem to budge at first. Finally I get them open and the first thing I see is Murphy standing above me with a grin on his face.

“Dude you snore louder than someone sawing logs” 

“Do not!” I protested pulling the covers over my head 

“Would you two stop making out so we can come up with a plan over this whole Cage thing” Lincoln interrupted walking in the door with Finn

“I say we do what he said” I reply throwing my t shirt on “I really don't feel like being shot in the head” 

“True but if we are gonna do this we need a plan. The Reaper gang are ruthless and will kill us if we screw them over.” Lincoln stated 

I got up from the bed after I through some sneakers on. I agreed with Lincoln without a plan we were dead. 

“Does anyone know anybody who knows a Reaper member?” Finn asked 

“This girl in my second period class I think her name is Echo her boyfriend is in the gang maybe she can help us” I replied

“Ok so me and Bell will go to school and you two should probably stay here just in case Cage calls” Murphy orders 

Everyone nodded in agreement including me. I really hoped this plan will work. 

\-- 

Lexa: Hey do you mind coming by after school today? 

Raven: Sure how about around 4?

Lexa: Sounds great (:

\--

It was boring my first period of school because no one was here. Finn and Lincoln were not here and Bellamy and Murphy did not have a free period. I don't even think I saw Clarke show up today and Octavia was still suspended for two more days. First period was almost over which I was actually glad about. I grabbed my things and headed to my locker early so that I didn't have to push through the crowd. 

“Hey Reyes” 

I turned to see who the voice was and of coarse it was Bellamy. “Hey Bell what are you doing” 

“Can I ask you a favor?” He asked putting his hands into a praying position 

“Depends” 

“I know you and Clarke are not on the best terms and Octavia automatically sided with her but I need you to stay with them at my house tonight” He pleaded

“Have you lost your mind” I replied raising my eyebrow

“Look there is a lot of stuff going on some intense stuff that also involves Finn and we need you to keep an eye on them” 

“Intense? Are you guys in trouble?” 

He looked down at his feet and I knew it was serious. “You know what I will but can I bring a friend?” 

“Sure the more the merrier” He responded with a cheesy grin. He extentended his arms out to hug me and I accepted. Despite how I feel Bellamy is my friend and I will always be loyal to him. 

“Alright see you around Blake tell Finn to be careful and same goes to you too” 

“Will do Reyes and promise not to kill Clarke or my sister” He smirked 

“I can make no promises” I winked 

We both laughed and then headed off in opposite directions to class. This was gonna be an interesting day. 

\-- 

Raven: Change of plans do you want to come with me to Octavias for the night I don't want to be alone with her and Clarke -.- 

Lexa: Sure meet me after school and we can take my car there 

Raven: Ok sounds good and thank you so much 

Lexa: No problem see you soon 

\-- 

I woke up to my phone buzzing repeatedly. I reached over Clarke to grab the annoying object off of the end table. When I slid it off unlock I saw that I had two unread messages. 

Bellamy: Tavia I have asked Raven to stay with you and Clarke tonight for reasons that I will explain to you later no arguing about it 

Oh great Clarke was not gonna be happy with this and frankly I wasn't either. I wanted Clarke all too myself. I clicked open the second message. 

Raven: Your brother said I had to stay with you and Clarke tonight he sounded serious. He said I could bring a friend so be there after school.

I was gonna kill Bell when he got home. It was hard enough with just Raven coming over. I guess I better wake up Clarke and fill her in on this. 

“Clarke” I whispered tapping on her shoulder

She woke up instantly which I figured since she was a light sleeper. 

“Hey” she yawned as she stretched out her body “What's up”

“Bell invited Raven to stay with us tonight for some reason and she is bring a friend.” I said annoyed at the thought of it 

“Seriously remind me to beat up your brother when we see him” 

We both rose out of bed and looked for our clothes. Last night was super intense and I still didn't know where I stood with Clarke. “So you will stay with me still right?” I asked grabbing her hand 

“Raven and I may have our differences but for you I will” she replied 

“Thanks even if you would of said no I would of still made you stay I mean Bell did order all three of us to stay here.” I spoke sarcastically 

“What are we even gonna do I mean Bell had to know how akward this was gonna be?” 

“I guess we will figure it out when she gets here” 

I pulled my phone out after I was dressed. 

First to Bellamy: 

Me: You owe me Bell 

Second to Raven: 

Me: If your gonna come over here we all need to be civil people. No fighting with Clarke 

I sent both messages and sat back down on my bed while Clarke got dressed. I watched as she slid the navy blue fitted t shirt over her torso. I wasn't trying to perv I just couldnt help be struck by her beauty. 

“Want to go get something to eat before this eventful night?” I ask 

“Sure” she replied pulling her jeans over her hips 

We both grabbed a jacket and headed out the door. I was nervous for tonight but glad Clarke stayed. Hope tonight will be drama free. 

\--

I walked into my second block class scanning the room to look for Echo. When I spotted her I walked over to her. She was texting away on her phone. 

“Hey Echo I need to ask you something” 

She looked up from her phone with a scowl on her face. I gulped and took a deep breath.

“Well what is it” she hissed

“Can ask your boyfriend if my friends and I can meet up with him some time today?” I forced out 

“Depends” she said studying me “Is it worth his time” 

“I have an offer for him that I think he may be interested in” 

“I will ask him meet me in the parking lot after school” she replied 

“Ok see you then” I spoke walking away from her

Glad I got that over I thought she was gonna rip me to shreds. Now I all I had to do was convince him that the offer was worth his time. I hoped it did or me and my friends were as good as dead.

\--

After school I headed to the parking lot to meet up with Lexa. As I am walking towards her car I spot Bellamy talking to Echo over by the football field fence. This can't be good that girl is trouble. I suspected there was something bad going on. 

“Raven” Lexa spoke interrupting my thoughts 

“Hey Lexa are you ready to go?” 

“Yeah so does the others know I am coming with you” she asked 

“No but they will when we show up” I reply getting into Lexas car. 

She got into the driver seat and started the car. Her face was covered with worry. “It will be fine” I reassured her 

“I hope so” Lexa replied while driving off campus “I don't think that Octavia girl really likes me”

“Octavia doesnt like anyone” I laughed 

“She likes Clarke” She responded with a hint of sadness in her voice 

“I'm not gonna lie to you Octavia and Clarke are complicated. They have been that way since before we dated.” 

“I noticed” 

“I know you like her and all but trust me you do not want to be caught up in the middle of the Clarke and Octavia show.” I spoke bluntly

I rolled down the window a bit to let a little air in. Lexa seemed lost in thought. The air was cool as in blew in between my fingertips. We were nearing Octavias house and I for the first time I didn't know what to expect.

\--

“Hey there stranger” Echo called out to me “I talked to my boyfriend and he said he would meet with you and your friends tonight at arcadia park” 

“Isn't that the one over by Burtherington street?” I asked 

“Yeah that's the one” she replied looking at my face. She could see the fear spread out across my face. “You scared?” 

“No I was just checking” I lied 

She laughed at me. It was devious and somewhat wicked. What was to come of this. I just hope it all went down the way planned. 

“I got to go find Murphy see you later” I say rushing off 

I spotted Murphy over by my car waiting already. He was leaned up against it and looked a little antsy. 

“You ok bro?” 

“Yeah I'm fine.” He replied “Did she get the meetup worked out?” 

“Yeah it is all settled I will tell you the plan when we meet up with Lincoln and Finn” 

He nodded and we both got into my car. I had these butterflies in my stomach and not the good ones. I was not prepared at all for tonight.

\--

I hear a knock on the door. It must be Raven and her guest. Clarke stays behind in the bedroom because she is trying to avoid Raven as much as possible. I walk past the living room to the door and when I open it my mouth drops to the floor. Lexa. Of all the people could of brought she chose Lexa. She was trying to mess with my head. 

“Come in” I say through my teeth

They both enter my house and take a seat on the couch. I make way to the bedroom to get Clarke. 

“Clarke you will never believe who Raven brought with her” I whisper to her 

“Who” 

“Lexa” 

Clarke didn't really react much but I could see a smile forming at the corner of her lips. This was not about to happen I was gonna have serious talk with Raven later on. 

“Come on” I tell her

We both walk into the living room and when we enter Lexas eyes are already all over Clarke. My cheeks starts to get a little red and I ball my fists up a little. 

“Is there any alcohol in this house I'm gonna need some if I am spending my day with you two” Raven blurted out

That only make my heartbeat race faster and Clarke shoots her a glaring look. To be honest though I was gonna need alcohol to get through this too. 

“Yeah let me go get that for you” I reply sarcastically 

I walk over to the fridge and grab a half empty bottle of whiskey and a brand new bottle of burbon. I made my way back into the living room to sit the ice cold bottle down on the coffee table. Clarke has taken a seat on the opposite end of Lexa and Raven already so I take a seat next to Clarke. I scoot closer to her to let Lexa know to back off. She notices but still continues to stare at her. 

“How about a little game of truth or dare?” I suggest 

Everyone nods in agreement. I grab the bottle of whiskey and take a few swigs and keep it right beside me.

“I will go first” I take another swig from the bottle “Truth or dare Lexa” 

“Truth” she replies 

Figures she would go the safe route. I try to think of a question while I take a few more drinks from my bottle. 

“Why did you come here with Raven” I dart at her 

“Because she invited me” she responds with a smirk 

It only fuels the fire inside of me. She was pushing my limits and I didn't like it one bit. 

“My turn” Raven interrupts “Clarke truth or dare?” 

“Dare” Clarke challenges her 

That was a dumb move knowing Raven and how much she hates us. I was a bit nervous. 

“I dare you to take Lexa into the closet for 7 minutes in Heaven” she grimaces 

She didn't. My fire only burned brighter. 

“Ok” Clarke replied flatly 

What? I was already not liking this night. Clarke takes Lexa to my utility closet in the kitchen. Raven starts a timer on her phone. 

“I will let you know when your time is up” Raven informs them

When the door behind them closes my heart beats faster and I get a bad feeling in my gut. 

\--

“So I guess we have to stay in here for seven minutes” I say nervously 

Lexa has smile the size of Texas painted across her face. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to hurt Tavia. Before I could say anything Lexa crashed her lips against mine. She was gentle and sweet. Her hands were wrapped around me so that she could deepen the kiss. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. After a little bit the kiss ended. 

“I like you Clarke and I know things between you and Octavia are weird right now but I don't care as long as you say you like me back” Lexa says with sincerity 

I was so confused right now and didn't know how I felt completely. 

“I like you too” I admitted “but I also have feelings for Tavia too” 

She couldn't respond to what I had said because Tavia opens the door right at seven minutes on the dot. Her face is painted with anger. I decide it wouldn't be a good idea to tell her about Lexa kissing me. 

“Alright its my turn now” I say 

All of us make our way back to the couch to take our seats. Lexa keeps staring at me and Tavia keeps giving her evil glares. 

“Tavia truth or dare” 

“You know me” she takes another drink from the bottle “Dare” 

“I dare you to kiss the person you dislike the most in this room” 

“Easy peasy” she protests 

She walks over to Raven and lays one on her. Raven pulls always quickly. 

“Your breath tastes like pure alcohol” 

Everyone laughs even Tavia. 

“Lexa its your turn now” I say 

“Raven truth or dare” 

“Truth”

“Why did you and Clarke break up” 

The room suddenly fell quiet. Raven thought for a moment before answering. 

“Clarke didn't need me anymore” she spits out quickly as she takes a drink from the bottle of burbon. 

Is that really how she felt? That I didn't need her anymore. I grab the bottle of bourbon as well and take a few swigs. 

“Alright it goes back to me” Tavia interupts “New rules there is no truth this round” 

I knew she was doing this because she wanted to get back at Raven for what she had dared me to do. 

“Raven I dare you to kiss Clarke for three whole minutes” 

That was little low for Tavia but she was drunk and didn't know what she was saying right now. 

“Ok” Raven responded 

I was a little shocked at her response. She really hadn't spoke to me much at all since we broke up. Raven made her way over to me a leaned down and pushed her lips against mine. It was actually a little rough. I parted my lips a little and she went along with it. She deepened the kiss to my surprise. It felt like everything we had ever fought about or felt was all put into that kiss. 

“Alright your three minutes is up” Tavia interrupted practically pulling us apart 

Raven went back to her seat and her face was painted with confusion. The question though is what about. 

“Let's play a new game” I suggested 

I was tired of this game. 

“How about I never?” Lexa spoke up 

“Perfect” I smiled 

\-- 

“Dude do you know where you are going?” Murphy asked 

“Echo told me it was by Burtherington St” I replied 

“So I think we should try to make a deal with The Reaper gang” Lincoln blurted out 

“What do you have in mind?” I asked 

“I was thinking we sell the green to them and let them have a fourth of our profit in trade for their protection” 

“That might actually work if we play our cards right” 

Everybody agreed. I spotted the park and pulled up in the parking lot. It was dark and the street lights were the only thing that lit up the place. I saw Echo's boyfriend walk towards us. I hope this worked.

\-- 

So instead of alcohol we decided to use shots of coffee because we were all a little buzzed except for Lexa. Clarke and Octavia brought the shot glasses and a pot of black coffee. 

“Alright we will start with Lexa and keep going until the pot of coffee is gone” Octavia instructed 

Everyone filled their little shot glass with the bitter liquid. 

“Never have I ever kissed someone in this room and enjoyed it” 

Wow she was asking these deep questions. Well I dated Clarke and at the time I enjoyed kissing her so I guess that means I take shot. Everyone takes a shot. How does Lexa know unless her and Clarke uh oh Octavia was gonna be mad. I quickly change the subject before Octavia can get a word in. 

“Never have I ever been so drunk that I couldn't walk” 

Clarke is the only one to take a shot. Octavia and Lexa continue to give each other evil glares. 

“Never have I ever almost or have had sex with someone in this room” Octavia gloats 

Clarke, Octavia and I all take a shot. Lexa just sits on her position awkwardly. Since Octavia took a shot I am assuming her and Clarke either had sex or almost did. I felt bad for Lexa. 

“Never have I ever had feelings two people at the same time” Clarke said breaking the awkward silence 

Clarke and I both take a shot. Octavia and Lexa do not. Everyone looks over at me as I take my shot. 

“Who” Clarke asks 

“Well when I first got with Finn I still had feelings for you at first duh” 

She drops the subject. It goes back to Lexa now. Octavia darted her eyes right into her.

“Never have I ever…” Lexa thought “Clarke can we talk for a moment?” 

This was not good at all. I did not want to have to put up with this drama. 

“Octavia is it cool if I take your brothers bed?” I ask 

She rolls her eyes and nods. I head to the bedroom to avoid the conflict that was about to abrupt shortly. 

\--

“The names Roan” he introduced himself “My girl Echo said you had a business offer for me and my crew?”

“We have ten pounds of green we need to unload we will split a fourth of our profit with you in exchange for you and your crews protection from cage wallace” I explained 

He thought for a minute before speaking. I started to get a little nervous but I grit my teeth to hold it back. 

“Alright we can do that with some negotiations added” he finally responded

“Sounds cool” I reach out to grab his hand to shake it “What negotiations did you have in mind?” 

He studied all of us with a wicked grin splashed across his face. “My crew will protect all of you guys but first you need to prove that you can be trusted and loyal.” He reaches inside of his pocket and pulls out a little balloon. “This right here is the finest heroine around these parts” he says waving the balloon so that we can see it. “Each of you snort a line and hang out with us a full 24 hours and you have my word my crew will protect you” 

I thought about what he had just told us. Heroine was not the negotiation I pictured him to have in mind but we needed this. “We’ll do it” I blurt out of my own thoughts 

Finn Lincoln and Murphy all agree with fearful eyes. Roan smiled as he gave us the tiny drug filled balloon. “Get in the car” he orders. We all walk towards his car and get in. My chest tightened and I knew this was a bad idea but it couldn't be any worse than what Cage had planned. 

\--

Lexa pulled me aside into the hallway to talk to me. Tavia didn't like the idea but she decided to give us some space. 

“Clarke you said you liked me earlier but I can't help but get this feeling that you like Octavia more” 

There was worry in her eyes with each word she spoke. I honestly didn't know who I cared for more. 

“Look Lexa I do like you. I'm just trying to figure out how I feel because I have feelings for both of you and I'm not really sure what it all means.” I explained in the best way I knew how

She definitely was hurt by what I said but she nodded. We parted ways and I went to the bedroom where Tavia had passed out on the bed already. She was curled up in a little ball of soft alcohol filled snores. It was really cute. 

Before I headed to bed I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My footsteps were light trying not to wake up Tavia as I walked in there. When I reached the living room I was stunned. Lexa was in a long night gown shirt that hung lightly above her thighs. She finally noticed me staring at her after a minute.

“Are you ok Clarke?” She whispered

I didn't know if I was ok at all. I wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or the just sheer need to want to explore how I felt about her but I walked over to where she was. The moonlight lit up her eyes as I got closer to her. She did not move from her position and she held her gaze into mine. I wrapped my hand around her lower back and pulled her close to me. My lips crashed against hers but it was very subtle not like kissing Tavia it was just complete innocence. I don't really know if that was a good or bad thing. Her tongue danced slowly with mine as she deepened the kiss. My heart rate picked up and my breathing became unsteady. Her hands found the bottom of my shirt line and she tugged at it. She slid it over my head after she got approval from me. I pushed my lips to hers again this time with a little force. Her hands where soft as they traced circles around the small of my back. 

“Clarke are you sure about this?” She asked pulling away from the kiss

Did I want this? I guess I will find out. I didn't respond, instead I grabbed the her shirt and slid it over her head and threw it onto the floor. I wasn't exactly sure if what I was doing was the right thing or if I was gonna live to regret it but I was carried away in the moment. We fell into the couch. I was hovered over her my hair curtaining us from our random spontaneous act. The warmth between us grew with each artistic move our bodies made together. It was passionate yet something was still missing. My lips pressed into the soft skin in the center of her collar bone which made her breathing pick up more. We were silent and the air around us grew heavy as we dug deeper into the moment. 

It lasted about thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of intense feelings clung to the couch of the one person who knew everything about me the one person who was in love with me. Lexa tried pulling at me to get me to stay with her the rest of the night but something didn't feel right about what I had just done. It made me feel good but something about it felt wrong. I pull my shirt over my body and pull my pants over my hips. 

“You know you don't have to go Clarke you can stay here with me” 

“Its almost 3 and I should get a shower in before trying to get some sleep” I responded respectfully 

She nodded and walked towards Tavias bedroom to grab some clothes to change into. When I got to the room Tavia wasn't in her bed anymore and my heart skipped a beat. Did she know about what I had just done?

“Where have you been?” Tavia interrupted my thoughts nearly making me jump out of my skin.

“I was just getting something to drink and about to take a shower” I lied

She walked up a little closer to me where the moonlight lit up her face. Even in the dark I could see the anger painted on her face. She knew.

\--

After all of us snorted a line with Roan he took us back to his place. His apartment was small and worn out but it was filled with lots of nice things. I was starting to feel the drug take effect. My eyes slowly drifted in and out of consciousness and I only see flashes of what's going on around me. Finn and Lincoln are sitting on couch toking it up with Roan. Murphy guides me over to the love seat so I don't loose my balance. He was so kind and gentle I really couldn't ask for a better best friend. 

“Ok one more thing I need you guys to do before I let you go” Roan spoke out

“Yeah dude what is it?” Lincoln asked 

What more did this guy want? We already did drugs for him. 

“In order for my crew to protect you guys they need to know you’re one of us. So Titus over here is gonna tattoo one of our symbols in a complete hidden place so it won't be detected.” He explained 

A tattoo wasn't bad but joining a gang was and something I didn't sign up for. 

“We’ll do it” Finn says before I can decline

He nods and motions for us to follow him. This was starting to become more than I wanted. I regretted all of it and for ever getting involved.

\--

“Don't lie to me Clarke I have known you for all of my life and I know when you are lying to me”

She doesn't say anything just stands there with guiltiest look I have ever seen. I knew why too. I could hear her and Lexa from my room.

“You had sex with her didn't you” I looked her directly in the eye “Didn't you!” 

My heart started to race and it was like poison was running through my veins. “Get out right now Clarke and don't come back!”

“Tavia please don't do this I made a mistake” she pleads tears forming in the corner of her eyes

I hated seeing her cry and hated her for making me hate her. She did things without thinking about how anyone else would be affected by it. 

“Tavia please” she begs grabbing me trying to pull me closer to her “I lo--” she pauses. Was she about to say what I think she was. “I love you” she finally forces out

“Oh yeah you love me so much then why did you sleep with her?” my voice cracks half way through and I pull away from her. I waited so long to hear those words just not like this. “Look you can stay here until Bellamy gets home but after that I am done with you” I walk away from her over to my bed. After a few minutes she walks out of the room. Probably to continue late night activities with Lexa who knows I was done with her. No matter how much I loved her I would fight it because she never fought to love me. 

\--

I could here Octavia screaming at Clarke about something. It was too early in the morning for this. I hear a door close and then I hear another one open. It was my door. 

“Why are you in here Clarke?” I demanded to know

She doesn't anything she just starts crying. I could believe it but I actually felt sorry for her. 

“Look you can sleep in here” I exhaled “No funny business though” 

She nods and crawls into the opposite side of the bed with me. It's quiet for a little bit between us. I felt kind of awkward even though I have slept in the bed as her many of times before. 

“Look Raven I'm sorry I pushed you away after my dad died” she pauses for a beat “You didn't deserve it”

I roll over until I'm looking up at the ceiling. “I'm sorry I got so mad at you for not going back to the old you so soon” I attempt to apologize

“I think I really screwed things up this time Raven” 

I can hear the sadness in her words. This was the first time she had ever really told me about how she felt about anything. 

“I'm sure you and Octavia will make up you guys always do” I try to reassure her

“Not this time” she starts to cry “I slept with Lexa and now Tavia hates me and I don't think she is ever going to forgive me” 

The tears fall from her eyes like a heavy rainstorm. At first it feels kind of weird because I have never seen Clarke like this before. 

“Its gonna be ok” I reply wrapping my arms around her 

There was nothing sexual about it just me comforting someone of whom I once cares about someone I still care about. She buried her face into my chest leaving my shirt stained with her tears. “Its ok”

\--

The next morning is a haze for me. Roan is nowhere to be seen and Finn and Lincoln are passed out on the floor. I must fell asleep on the love seat and Murphy must of fell asleep there too. His feet were by my face and mine was by his. It was actually kind of cute with the exception of his smelly feet. 

“Hey Murph” I tap him on the leg trying to wake him up. It only took him a few minutes to wake up. Finn and Lincoln woke up as well almost like a chain reaction.

“Where's Roan at guys?” I ask 

“I'm not sure” Lincoln replies “We should probably get out of here though” 

“Yeah my sister is probably freaking out about me being gone this long” 

“I'm sure Clarke is taking very good care of her” Murphy smirks 

I punch him lightly on the shoulder. “Shut up bro I'm sure she misses me” 

After we get done letting out a few laughs we all stumble outside the apartment. The Sun shines brightly on our faces. When I finally adjust my eyes I see a car pull up in the driveway. Its a car I have seen before. Its Echos. 

She gets out of the car with a smirk splashed across her face. “You guys need a ride” she jokes

“Actually that would be great” I respond 

She rolls her eyes and motions us to get in the car. We all pile up in her car to go back to our car. She starts the car and speeds down the road. I struggle to put my seatbelt on because my hands are shaking. It doesn't take long for us to reach the car. 

“See you guys around the neighbourhood” she says and then speeds off. I'm surprised she doesn't get a speeding ticket.

“We can all crash at my house for the night so we can explain everything to the girls” I tell them as we all get into my car. 

We drive off and head towards normalcy back to our lives. Except we weren't exactly normal anymore. Nothing was.

\--

I stretch across the bed to wake myself up. Raven is still sound asleep next to me probably because I kept her up almost all night. 

“Hey Ra-- “ Tavia pauses looks at me “You sleep with her too Clarke” 

“No” I say softly 

“Can't a girl get some sleep without having to here you guys bicker all night” Raven interrupts holding the pillow over her face

“Sorry Raven” I apologize 

“Look at you two getting along and such” Tavia sarcastically states 

“Both of you get out of here and let me sleep” 

I get up from the bed and grab Tavias arm and lead her into the other bedroom. 

“Can we please talk?” 

“We talked enough last night Clarke and like I said I'm done with you” She hisses 

“I choose you” I blurt out 

She looks at me with anger filled eyes but there was something else there too. Hope. 

“Well you should've thought about that before you screwed Lexa.” She stomps off from me and I hear a door slam. I hear her walk into the bathroom and slam that door as well. She was never gonna forgive me. 

I sprawl out across her bed thinking about everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes because I finally realize who I want and that person doesn't want me anymore. I don't blame her I messed things up really bad. I drift into my thoughts and think back to more happier times with Tavia. I think about this one time a few years back before my dad passed away before I dated Raven. Bell was at a party and Tavia was home alone. We stayed up all night watching movies and playing goldfish. I remember our laughs and how happy we were and how we looked at each other. Her eyes stared into mine instead of paying attention to the movie. She thought I wasn't paying attention but I could see her out the corners of my eyes. I missed that so much. 

“I thought I told you I was done with you Clarke” Tavia says pulling me out of my thoughts

“I'm not giving up on you Tavia” I lean back on my elbows so that I can face her “I'm sorry that I was too stupid to see it before but I love you and I think some part of me has always knew that” 

“Good for you now leave”

“Ok I will leave if you can look me in the eyes right now and tell me you don't love me anymore” 

She doesn't look at me she just stands there with a white cotton towel wrapped around her body. Her hair is dripping wet and dripped onto her floor. 

“You know I still do but what you did was something that I don't know if I can ever forgive you for” 

“I know” I pause “But I want you not her.”

She walks over to her desk across from the bed facing me and takes a seat. “Prove it. Stay away from her and then we will talk about it.”

“Done.”

She gets up from the desk and walks over to her closet to pick out her clothes. She grabs a pair of denim jeans with a bunch of holes and a black shirt that has a bunch of colorful hearts on the front of it. 

“Is it still raining outside” she asks putting her hangers back in her closet

I turn my head to look out her window. It was still lightly raining and damp outside. 

“Yeah it--” I respond but am at loss of words at Tavia dropping her towel onto the floor. Her body is completely bare. “yeah” I try to play it cool and not stare at her. I look down at the ragged string on my black and white plaid pajama pants.

“It’s not like you haven't seen me naked before Clarke” 

“I know I just-” I hesitate “It feels awkward since you’re mad at me and all and-” 

“Calm down before you have a stroke. Its fine” She stops me as she slides her shirt over head and tugging it at the bottom. 

“I don't exactly know what to say”

“Well I guess you should of thought about that before you slept with Lexa” 

Her words still came out a little too cold. I knew this would take time before things got back to normal. I wanted to honor her deal by staying away from Lexa but I didn't want to be rude either.   
“I'm gonna go take a shower” I tell her as I get up from the bed

She nods and I grab some jeans and a pink long sleeve fitted shirt. She doesn't stop me when I leave. Apart of me really wanted her to. I exit the room and head for the bathroom. 

\--

We decide to stop and grab some food before we head back to my house. Murphy really wanted breakfast so we stopped at ihop. I ordered a coffee and a five stack of pancakes. Murphy scarfed down his eggs and polishes off his two pancakes. After we are done we head out to the car. 

“Do you care if I stop by my house to grab a change of clothes?” Murphy asks 

“Sure but you got to drive because I am tired still and this rain is not helping”

He nods and we all pile up into the car again. I push the passenger seat back a little so I can be more comfortable. I leave just enough room not to squish Lincoln who is sitting behind me.

“Hopefully there will be no bloodshed when we get back to my house” I joke. Everyone laughs at my words. 

“I'm surprised Raven hasn't texted me to pick her up yet or to bail her out of jail for killing Clarke” Finn laughs

Honestly I was surprised too. Tavia hadn't texted me at all since I had been gone. Murphy puts the car in drive and we ride off towards his house. I close my eyes for a bit trying to rest a little before I get home. 

\--

When I go into the living room I see Lexa sitting on the couch looking at her phone and no sign of Clarke and Octavia. They must still talking.

“Morning did you catch any sleep because I sure didn't” 

“I got a few hours in but that is about it” she laughs “Where's Clarke?”

“She's probably talking to Octavia they have been fighting all night and morning too” I roll my eyes 

“Oh” she puts down her phone on her lap. “They are fighting about me aren't they”

“You should talk to Clarke but honestly those two bicker over everything” I take a seat in the chair directly across from Lexa. “I need coffee” She laughs at my frustration which makes me form a small smile on my lips. 

“I think we drank all the coffee last night trying to sober up” 

“There's a Dunkin Donuts down the road” I raise up from my seat. “Want to come get some coffees with me?”

“Sure”

\--

After about thirty minutes Clarke finally got out of the shower. She walked into my room with a grey towel wrapped around her body. 

“Who said you could change in here. I'm sure Lexa wouldn't mind you changing in the living room in front of her.” I harshly state

“Raven and Lexa left a note saying they went to get coffee and for your information I don't want to get dressed in front of her” 

Her words sound sincere but I don't fully trust her yet. My head is telling me I should punish her for this but my heart wants to give in to her. She ignores me anyways and drops her towel on the floor. She is not fully naked she has a black bra on and black undergarments as well. The water from her soaked golden locks of hair drip down onto her flat stomach. A droplet stops right before her belly button. 

“Why did you sleep with her?” I ask her

“I was a little drunk but also because she was just there and I wanted to see if what I felt for her was physical or actual feelings.” she replies

“You could of figured that out another way you didn't have to sleep with her”

“Look Tavia I said I was sorry I made a mistake.” she pulls the last article of clothing over her body. “I'm sorry it happened this way but it did and at least I know who I want now”

I take her words into consideration. In no means does this mean I excuse her what she did but I still loved her no matter how hard I tried to push that away. “I want you too but right now I don't trust you and I have good reasons not to”

“That's fair.” she takes a seat on the bed next to me. Our legs are touching. “I hope one day you do trust me again because I want to be with you and only you”

I hated how she could just say something and it made me melt no matter if I was mad at her or not. She was my kryptonite. 

“Well then don't screw this up” I reply 

We sit there awkwardly side by side. I didn't know how this would all end but I hoped it ended with us together. 

\--

End Chapter


End file.
